Oh my...

So I discovered something about my ex from Florida today...The girl, he is dating? Yeah she was born in 1986....Holy shit she's 10 years younger than me?  She's that young? Oh my...Apparently he met her on vacation. She lives in Minnesota and is moving in with him when she graduates in December...How cute. How young..He will be 40 in February. Now I wondered about my relationship for awhile. But really I think the ass did trade me in for something younger when I turned 30. In all honestly it is scary. And really how dumb is she? Who moves in with a guy who lives many miles away when they have never lived in the same state? Wouldn't you be scared he could be an axe murderer? I mean how much do you know about him? And she my friends is in for a huge suprise when she moves in with him..He isn't Mr. I love you so much, he's the opposite. He's the guy who lives with you because it's convienent and it saves him money....

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 4

So, I'm going to try to finish this tonight but who knows if I will. The dog seems to need attention and will cry if I stay on here too long. She's very spoiled. And crying now. But she's more loyal than most men I have dated and probably smarter too. The guy loved her. In fact sometimes I thought he liked her more than me. They would play for like over an hour while I sat here watching Grey's or something the two of them would be running around playing. This was one of the reasons I liked him. He loved the dog, and would even not make a fit about her being in the bed. Other guys are grosssed out, like she's dirty or something. She gets a bath once a week, and for crying out loud, she's a city dog. How dirty can she get? She only goes to play in the perfectly manicured grass at the end of the street with other city dogs. Really, how dirty can they be?

Anyway, back to the story. He was sort of great for awhile, as long as you overlooked the bad parts. He smoked, only ate fast food, would not go to my family's picnic, wore pretty much the same clothes all the time, etc. You get the picture, however, hello dumb girl in love. And, he would go to my friend's parties with me (my ex of 6 years would never go to anything with me), and he pretty much was content spending every weekend night alone with me. However, a few weeks before the break up I had a minor freak out in Atlantic City. We went to see my favorite comedian. I was so excited, go down there for the night, dress up, have a nice dinner, just fun with the boyfriend. Well, he was stressed about this big case he had because apparently the judge yelled at him. So I understood the stress. However, eating in the food court at the Borgata? Yeah, no. First of all I'm horribly lactose intolerant. So, pizza in the food court? Not happening, unless he would have liked to make a stop in the emergency room on the way home. And also, I don't do fast food, unless I have some sort of odd craving for it and even then I won't do it unless it's the only thing around. But he kept saying that it was so long of a wait and he was starved that we could just eat after the show. So, I compromised, saying fine, as long as I got my wine, it would be fine. But then, he needed to smoke, and instead of smoking in a bar in the casino, which was air conditioned, we had to go outside, into the foggy, hot, humid, New Jersey night so my hair couldlook a mess. I can deal with cigarette smoke as long as I am drinking, if I am not, I want no part of it. Anyway we saw the show which was good. However at one part he turned to me and asked what "tea bagging" was as that was part of the show. I had to bite my tongue not to burst out laughing. Uh, who doesn't know what that is? But then again....

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 3

Anyway so I left it go, the talking about the ex but I did worry about the whole thing. Well then after a few months of what seemed like perfection, i mean if he was over everynight then maybe he really did like me. Then, he got stressed about this big case, which was normal but normal was that he would call and come over and we would talk. Well, he didn't return my calls, for days. And I got angry, maybe too angry. But he wouldn't call me back. He wouldn't return texts. So I got a little more than upset than I should have. However, since my break up with my ex over two years ago, I have very little tolerance for bullshit from men. Because they all seem to have it.

So, finally Friday, he calls and is like "I'm so depressed with this judge and this case..blah, blah, blah...I will call you back later but I think I need to stay home..." My bullshit level had hit an all time high at this point to I told him that if he didn't call back in an hour, the dog and I were coming over to get him out of this funk...Did he call back in an hour? No, of course not. So my little dog and I hopped in the car and drove over there. But did he come out to let us in? No, in fact he didn't answer the door bell or didn't answer my calls.

I sort of knew at this point, I went too far. I was acting crazy but my good guy friend, G said, I was not, I was acting like a concerned girlfriend and it was okay. But then he never called back all weekend and I just went to my parents house to hide.

But Monday I got myself up for work, sure it was all over. Even if it was not for him, it was for me and if he ever decided to talk to me again I was telling him to go. So I get an email from him saying how it killed it for him that I had such a crisis...And then a call...

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 2

So, he didn't call back. I just sort of wrote him off. Then like three weeks later, I was bored on a Saturday afternoon, and for some reason sent a text to a bunch of people saying "hope you are having a fun weekend!" Twenty minutes later he wrote back. So we made plans to see a movie. Turns out, I said something on our last date that made him think it was a good idea not to return calls or calls. I told him I hated clingy men. Men who needed to be around all the time and had no life of their own. So he decided calling would be a bad thing. Looking back now, I don't think that was true at all, because not calling once or twice, is maybe believable but not calling for three weeks? Yeah not so much. But whatever, I liked him so I thought hey why not.

Things went well for a few weeks. He was over every night after work plus Saturday night and sometimes Sundays. He actually agreed to drive an hour to go to a friend's party with me and things were great. We went to Atlantic City for a weekend to see a comedian I loved who totally rips men most of the time. We were together every day. And we talked on the phone for an hour before seeing each other. He loved my dog and everything was just perfect.

Then he started talking about his ex wife. At first I thought she must have been evil with all the things he was saying about her. She didn't want to work out. He tried to take her shopping and all she did was look at the sale rack. She didn't believe in any sort of higher power. And she was always criticizing him. So I figured, man she must be horrible.

It was fine hearing about her but then him constantly talking about it got a little old. I mean, yes I told him about my ex but as far as constantly bringing him up, I knew it was just a bad thing to do in a relationship. But I let it slide figuring he was still mad at his divorce and I knew the feeling from my breakup.

But then the comments started with other stuff. First of all the not going to the gym thing. I understand if you don't want to work out. I do but some people do not. But he wanted her to go to the gym so she looked like what he wanted in a perfect woman. From what I gathered from this, thin. Although I don't think she was fat in the first place but then what do I know. But this hit home with me, hey does he think I'm fat? What he had told me at the beginning

Not again...

It's been a few weeks since I wrote a post. My plan was to write a lot. However, then work got busy. When I came home, I just did not want to even look at my computer. Most of it was due to the fact that I just could not take another rejection from yet another loser who thought he was god's gift to women. The whole thing was just knocking my confidence down. But then I thought, hell, just get out there and do it. At least you are not sitting home, getting addicted to yet another show on tv or watching politics all night. So I did.

My latest date was Thursday. It went well, or so I thought. We actually ended up talking until after 12 and he missed the last train out of the city so I ended up driving him home. He lives like 15 minutes from the city so it was not bad. He was cute, well hot, in my opinion (and lately most of them are far from hot). He was very well mannered and paid for everything (the last few dates I have been on, I have ended up having to pay for my meal, drinks, etc and usually covering the tip because they were cheap bastards). He was even nice to my dog. So when we left it as, let's get together on Sunday, that he would make me dinner, I was excited.

So now, it's what almost 4pm on Sunday? And who has not even called, sent a text, email, or anything? Yeah, him. So much for the nice guy. We texted yesterday and he said he would definitely give a call. So call? Not so much...Maybe I'm exaggerating, or maybe I have high expections, but really, if you are having dinner on a Sunday, wouldn't you have called by now? Yeah, so maybe he met someone hotter. He was a few years younger and went on this whole thing how he loves women older than him, because they have so many less crazy issues than the younger ones but still.

All I have to say is, here we go again....

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 1

I started to write this a few weeks ago but then stopped......My first try at this online dating thing this year seemed to work out well. The date went a bit awry on the first try but after we met things went well. However, I should have realized that if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is...The dating did not start out well though....

I had a horrible sinus infection earlier this year. At this point, while sitting in the emergency room, freezing, with a high fever (for me anyway who has a 94 degree normal temp), with a group of homeless people who were in from the cold to eat, I realized I was going to die alone. After six hours in an emergency room, not being treated, freezing and barely able to speak, while the hospital takes anxiety attack patients before me because a 100 degree temp is not that much of a fever (unless you have a low body temp to begin with), I realized I was going to die alone if I didn't find someone soon. I had never had this thought before. I had a boyfriend, a fiance even for six years. Now here I was alone in the city, sick with no one. Sure, my parents live an hour away however until they got there I could be dead. And what happens when they are gone? It's only me. So I freaked out. When I got home, untreated, and delirous, I decided I needed to take this situation into my own hands. So, I joined a dating site. Within a few days I had an email. I didn't pay for the subscription right away, as I was still kind of concerned at this whole thing. But later that week, I did.

I had an email from a lovely guy, a guy who used legal terminology and seemed funny so it seemed like the perfect match for me. We joked and set up a date on a Thursday (a few weeks after the sick/dying thing). I showed up, late however because of my dog. Somehow we missed each other. This lead to a scathing email from me when I got home tipsy and mad that I got stood up. Turns out there are two doors to the restaurant and we each went to the other door. Oh well... So we set a date for a Friday night. The date went well. We totally hit it off. He was a criminal defense lawyer, me a law librarian. We had so much in common, we talked and drank for hours....So, after hours of sitting there outside at a bar freezing, we decided to go somewhere else. He drove, and we some how ended back at his place....there was a lot of kissing but nothing really else. He had the total bachelor place though. No food. Dishes still not unpacked out of a box since he moved in 9 months earlier and barely any furniture. It was late and so he drove me home because I had to get home to the dog. But he was cool about it and came in to meet the dog. But he ended up staying which was fun because we just talked all night. And it was nice to just have a warm body to snuggle with that was not a 20 pound dog who kicks me in the head at least ten times a night.

Things were going well, he called and talked forever on the phone and then came over to hang out that week a few times and on the weekend. Nothing seemed bad. It was comfortable and just nice. Then a week later, no calls. No return calls. No return texts. So I just sort of said, oh well, and wrote him off....

When did I get this old?

I guess I'm not that old and my exboyfriend would say I'm being a drama queen again but lately, I feel old. Older than I have felt in a long long time. At age 32 I thought maybe things would sort of be figured out by now. I would have the perfect career, the decent home, have run a marathon, and somehow be stable and okay with life. Well, I'm here to say I am not. I'm okay with the life I have. I'm lucky. I do have a good job (however not without many years of school and many student loans) and I have a decent apartment but something is just amiss. Maybe it's the city, maybe it's me. Most of my friends are married and although I was in a very long relationship, I never thought it would last to marriage and maybe I should have planned that situation out better back then. But whatever, this is the life I'm stuck with now.

In the two years since I left my ex and moved across the country, I've grown a bit. However things around me do not seem to grow. They just sort of stay the same and fester, turning me into a truly angry girl.

In the past year, I started this whole online dating thing. I will write a bit about this in that insanity seems to follow me whenever dating is involved. My ex was far from normal or even okay by most women's standards but these men are just I don't even know what.

All I know is that I feel fat and ugly lately and that's how dating has left me. I am not either I don't think but lately I feel and somehow look like a beast.