Tuesday, September 23, 2008

When did I get this old?

I guess I'm not that old and my exboyfriend would say I'm being a drama queen again but lately, I feel old. Older than I have felt in a long long time. At age 32 I thought maybe things would sort of be figured out by now. I would have the perfect career, the decent home, have run a marathon, and somehow be stable and okay with life. Well, I'm here to say I am not. I'm okay with the life I have. I'm lucky. I do have a good job (however not without many years of school and many student loans) and I have a decent apartment but something is just amiss. Maybe it's the city, maybe it's me. Most of my friends are married and although I was in a very long relationship, I never thought it would last to marriage and maybe I should have planned that situation out better back then. But whatever, this is the life I'm stuck with now.

In the two years since I left my ex and moved across the country, I've grown a bit. However things around me do not seem to grow. They just sort of stay the same and fester, turning me into a truly angry girl.

In the past year, I started this whole online dating thing. I will write a bit about this in that insanity seems to follow me whenever dating is involved. My ex was far from normal or even okay by most women's standards but these men are just I don't even know what.

All I know is that I feel fat and ugly lately and that's how dating has left me. I am not either I don't think but lately I feel and somehow look like a beast.


Wide Lawns said...

Write more!!! Write more!!

And don't worry, things will get better and I guarantee you that if you're online dating that you will at least get some free meals and you'll almost definitely get some wild stories to tell.

I promise. Things will get a lot better and I want to hear about them, so write more.

And I am thrilled to be your first commenter.

Books & BS said...

Thank you! I should be writing more. I got so mad at the whole dating experience I just went into hiding for a few weeks.