x's

i think the whole dating thing is that i just have not found what i am looking for. having an odd dream about j though does not help. i had a dream last night he gave me this list of all the problems we had (which were actually true) and how we could fix them. it was weird. he still had his gf and i was somehow cleaning my great grandmother's house (who has been dead for almost 11 years) it was just odd. it could be he has called a few times the past few weeks because i don't really think of him much. he really likes his gf. although she has some sort of eye disease and she may go blind and has some sort of stomach issue that she can not eat. i can't believe it is over 2 years since i have seen him. but he apologized for all the things that happened and went into an explanation of how he was confused and how he somehow needed to be knocked on his ass to realize what he was doing wrong and how he ruined all he had, not just wth me but with work and his business and everything. it was sort of nice to hear i was right about everything (the business i thought would flop and everything else he was doing that was just a mess) but also disturbing because although i knew, 2 years later it is not easy to hear and just makes me more confused becaues it happens all the time, like with lm a few years later and the whole had i waited what would have happened. like now j said had i moved to la like work was going to move me, we probably would have ended up back together after he got his head together. and it just keeps happening, gs now, what like over a year later wants me back and watch like a year from now mjg will be back.

So

I should write more often. But really I have not felt like it. Things are just odd lately. I started writing this blog at a way to get out some of my frustrations with the whole online dating thing. But I just got tired of everything. Then the ass that I dated came back. He said sorry and he didn't mean everything he said. Every part of me knew really it was wrong but I wanted to believe the best. Well, really it was not. He really did mean everything he said. I got a call last night telling me that we should not talk anymore at all, ever. Because I'm weird. Apparently caring for someone makes me weird and calling them after they show up at your door asking to come back, also makes me weird. It's sad. But really I think I needed that to smack me back to reality and see what an ass he really was. I'm weird? I'm not the one who shows up in the middle of winter with no socks on and no coat. That's weird. The fact that on Christmas, he can't even call his family or take their calls when it is also his birthday and he's their only child, that's weird. But whatever, it's over now and it's time for a new era to my dating.

I met someone nice last week. He's what everyone wants but I do feel he's a bit of a geek. He's cute though. I do hope he calls and my hope is that he loosens up a bit. But I'm not stressing it. We will see....

Oh my...

So I discovered something about my ex from Florida today...The girl, he is dating? Yeah she was born in 1986....Holy shit she's 10 years younger than me?  She's that young? Oh my...Apparently he met her on vacation. She lives in Minnesota and is moving in with him when she graduates in December...How cute. How young..He will be 40 in February. Now I wondered about my relationship for awhile. But really I think the ass did trade me in for something younger when I turned 30. In all honestly it is scary. And really how dumb is she? Who moves in with a guy who lives many miles away when they have never lived in the same state? Wouldn't you be scared he could be an axe murderer? I mean how much do you know about him? And she my friends is in for a huge suprise when she moves in with him..He isn't Mr. I love you so much, he's the opposite. He's the guy who lives with you because it's convienent and it saves him money....

So, about the phone call...

I don't know even what to say about the phone call anymore. Even now I don't know what to say. At one time I was so upset. But now, it's just confusion. I was okay with the whole thing for a few weeks, and I stopped hating him. But I missed him. Because in reality, our relationship was fine but the phone call and the nasty things that were said with it on both sides, not just his, maybe was not all his fault. For as sensitive as I am, I sometimes forget how sensitive another person may be. Maybe he is. Maybe he's lying but I don't know. The thing is he showed up on Sunday at my place because he missed me. I just didn't know what to do and tried to stay on the other side of the room from him. But seeing him, I just missed him so much. Then we talked on Monday and he said he would call this week. It's Thursday night, he still hasn't called. I am wondering am I just dumb that I fell into the trap again or is he just that screwed up and busy? See when I'm like that, I depend on talking to others around me. I just don't know.

I'm such an ass...

I will finish the post soon, I swear. I tend to get bogged down with little things that suck up my time. For instance, I ordered a Halloween costume on Ebay. However, it never came.  After fighting back and forth with the seller, who swore he was sending it for Saturday delivery via DHL, I ended up driving home to my parents house, an hour away just to get the damn costume.  By the way, he never sent it and has now removed his profile from ebay. So I reported him.  Anyway, a trip home for a costume ends up being a trip home for the entire weekend. This is fine but it doesn't leave for one to get much done around home.

 

Anyway, I have the costume and am very happy about it. My brother is having a party on Saturday which I am excited about. But I wanted to go out on Friday too.  For some reason I just want to drink and dance and just get out of the whole funk I have been in for awhile. I joined these "meetup" groups in the city in hopes to meet new people (so far it has not worked) but they were having a Halloween gathering at one of the bars that does an awesome party for the holiday. So, I asked my best friend if maybe she wanted to go. To which she didn't really reply just told me I could come with her to her yoga studio's party. Which is fine, but I can't see that being the dancing around fun, boys, drinks! party I wanted. I wanted to get out and flirt and have fun. Not that her party would not have been fun but I have met her friends. The majority of them are married and really hanging out with them, really does not get me out. I also feel odd and all corporate-y, like I'm some sort of evil person along when all of them teach yoga or other earthy things.  I just don't fit. And I know she wants me to go to yoga but honestly I don't know how she affords it. With a gym membership to pay, how do I then spend $100 a month for yoga? Or even have the time? I would love to but my job, running, and the dog don't allow for it. Having to be at a class by 6:30 just doesn't always work for me.  I said maybe but I really don't want to go. I am instead going to the meetup group's party in the city.  I feel like a jerk but I need to get out and just dance. And meet new people and people like me who enjoy happy hour and just being out. She isn't around much and could be moving west this year so I will be me, alone again. 

 

But I do feel like a jerk passing up my best friend. 

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 4

So, I'm going to try to finish this tonight but who knows if I will. The dog seems to need attention and will cry if I stay on here too long. She's very spoiled. And crying now. But she's more loyal than most men I have dated and probably smarter too. The guy loved her. In fact sometimes I thought he liked her more than me. They would play for like over an hour while I sat here watching Grey's or something the two of them would be running around playing. This was one of the reasons I liked him. He loved the dog, and would even not make a fit about her being in the bed. Other guys are grosssed out, like she's dirty or something. She gets a bath once a week, and for crying out loud, she's a city dog. How dirty can she get? She only goes to play in the perfectly manicured grass at the end of the street with other city dogs. Really, how dirty can they be?

Anyway, back to the story. He was sort of great for awhile, as long as you overlooked the bad parts. He smoked, only ate fast food, would not go to my family's picnic, wore pretty much the same clothes all the time, etc. You get the picture, however, hello dumb girl in love. And, he would go to my friend's parties with me (my ex of 6 years would never go to anything with me), and he pretty much was content spending every weekend night alone with me. However, a few weeks before the break up I had a minor freak out in Atlantic City. We went to see my favorite comedian. I was so excited, go down there for the night, dress up, have a nice dinner, just fun with the boyfriend. Well, he was stressed about this big case he had because apparently the judge yelled at him. So I understood the stress. However, eating in the food court at the Borgata? Yeah, no. First of all I'm horribly lactose intolerant. So, pizza in the food court? Not happening, unless he would have liked to make a stop in the emergency room on the way home. And also, I don't do fast food, unless I have some sort of odd craving for it and even then I won't do it unless it's the only thing around. But he kept saying that it was so long of a wait and he was starved that we could just eat after the show. So, I compromised, saying fine, as long as I got my wine, it would be fine. But then, he needed to smoke, and instead of smoking in a bar in the casino, which was air conditioned, we had to go outside, into the foggy, hot, humid, New Jersey night so my hair couldlook a mess. I can deal with cigarette smoke as long as I am drinking, if I am not, I want no part of it. Anyway we saw the show which was good. However at one part he turned to me and asked what "tea bagging" was as that was part of the show. I had to bite my tongue not to burst out laughing. Uh, who doesn't know what that is? But then again....

Okay I have to finish this another day. I'm just too tired. Work is killing me.

Pumpkin picking??? Are you f'n kidding me???

Okay, so a bit of drama today. I will get back to my story soon but this whole thing with this guy I went out with recently is just making me want to scream. I have been trying not to write when I am angry, which I one reason why I have not posted much. But really, I"m so sick of it.

The guy said, I want to make you dinner. Then never called. So a pissed off me, sends him a text saying, oh i figured you would call so lets just end it now because I don't put up with this kind of shit. To which an hour later I get a text saying, sorry he went pumpkin picking with a friend and just got back now. What guy goes pumpkin picking with his guy friends????? Is he gay? Because no men I know go pumpkin picking with guy friends.

Fucking men!