Correctol...damn you...

After a particularly bad two weeks of barely being able to go to the bathroom (#2 that is), I gave in last night and took Correctol....You know the one from the commercials when we were kids. It's the gentle lady laxative. Gentle, my friends, it is not. I tired saline (makes me puke) and natural laxatives (also make me puke) but this, this was some horrible sh*t.  I woke up this morning with horrid stomach pains worse than any gas that I have ever had. I thought i was going to die. Seriously, my poor dog looked at me like something bad was going to happen and took off to hid under my bed. Also, I noticed my room smelled like something died and was hidden under the bed. Guess it gave me gas too. Well after some explosions I felt okay and got ready for work. However not an hour after sitting down was I running to the ladies room with hopes no one else was in there because mount Vesuvius was erupting again. Any type of liquid or food was sending me straight to the bathroom. Yikes. Holy sh*t (literally). 

 

To say I have stomach issues is putting it lightly.  I was diagnosed with having IBS when I was in college. Mostly the c part however once or twice a year my colon likes to throw in a surprise with a month of the d. Ick.  Although, I learned that that's what they call it until they figure out what the hell you actually have. For years I struggled with awful constipation and pain after eating certain foods.  My one doctor actually told me I needed to exercise more when I was sitting in his office after yet another round of tests where they found nothing.  My mother looked at me and looked at him and burst out laughing..."Exercise more? The kid is a cross country runner. She runs daily since she was 15. Exercise more? We think she exercises TOO MUCH!"  He then went on to say I was looking heavier. Um dude I run 30-50 miles a week plus I have horrid stomach issues, I eat baby food most of the time, I don't lose weight, for me losing weight equals not eating...At the time I probably was 120 lbs at best.  See when I get a bout of horribleness, my stomach swells up to look like I'm close to a delivery date.  Nothing makes it go away until I can finally get out whatever got stuck in the first place.  Then, he also told me it was stress. Whatever. It took til I was 33 until they discovered hey take a blood test and maybe a sample of the girls colon and find out. Turns out I have celiac disease. And years of stomach issues could have been helped with one stupid simple test rather than doctors saying stress or they had no idea. Take fiber was their favorite which I would take and then get so bloated I looked pregnant. Anyway, now somehow I have limited my diet that I'm okay. I still get the bouts but usually they go away. Yikes to the correctol though. That shit is serious. 

Philly accents...

I don't know why but I have always had a horrible time dealing with the Philly accents and the South Jersey accents. But they make my skin crawl. I can't deal. And lately all the secretaries at work show up saying things like "wooder" (water) "liberry" (library) "cawfee" (coffee) drive me absolutely insane. There is just something about it that drives me nuts.

Maybe I spent too much time in school. Who knows. I know my grammar is not perfect but the sounds are awful.

what not to do at lunch...

Go to a Wine Week lunch where you think it is $10 per glass of wine when it really is $10 for 10 glasses of wine, and drink most of those ten glasses. Then go back to work...Yeah not prductive at all...

Oh my...

So I discovered something about my ex from Florida today...The girl, he is dating? Yeah she was born in 1986....Holy shit she's 10 years younger than me?  She's that young? Oh my...Apparently he met her on vacation. She lives in Minnesota and is moving in with him when she graduates in December...How cute. How young..He will be 40 in February. Now I wondered about my relationship for awhile. But really I think the ass did trade me in for something younger when I turned 30. In all honestly it is scary. And really how dumb is she? Who moves in with a guy who lives many miles away when they have never lived in the same state? Wouldn't you be scared he could be an axe murderer? I mean how much do you know about him? And she my friends is in for a huge suprise when she moves in with him..He isn't Mr. I love you so much, he's the opposite. He's the guy who lives with you because it's convienent and it saves him money....

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 4

So, I'm going to try to finish this tonight but who knows if I will. The dog seems to need attention and will cry if I stay on here too long. She's very spoiled. And crying now. But she's more loyal than most men I have dated and probably smarter too. The guy loved her. In fact sometimes I thought he liked her more than me. They would play for like over an hour while I sat here watching Grey's or something the two of them would be running around playing. This was one of the reasons I liked him. He loved the dog, and would even not make a fit about her being in the bed. Other guys are grosssed out, like she's dirty or something. She gets a bath once a week, and for crying out loud, she's a city dog. How dirty can she get? She only goes to play in the perfectly manicured grass at the end of the street with other city dogs. Really, how dirty can they be?

Anyway, back to the story. He was sort of great for awhile, as long as you overlooked the bad parts. He smoked, only ate fast food, would not go to my family's picnic, wore pretty much the same clothes all the time, etc. You get the picture, however, hello dumb girl in love. And, he would go to my friend's parties with me (my ex of 6 years would never go to anything with me), and he pretty much was content spending every weekend night alone with me. However, a few weeks before the break up I had a minor freak out in Atlantic City. We went to see my favorite comedian. I was so excited, go down there for the night, dress up, have a nice dinner, just fun with the boyfriend. Well, he was stressed about this big case he had because apparently the judge yelled at him. So I understood the stress. However, eating in the food court at the Borgata? Yeah, no. First of all I'm horribly lactose intolerant. So, pizza in the food court? Not happening, unless he would have liked to make a stop in the emergency room on the way home. And also, I don't do fast food, unless I have some sort of odd craving for it and even then I won't do it unless it's the only thing around. But he kept saying that it was so long of a wait and he was starved that we could just eat after the show. So, I compromised, saying fine, as long as I got my wine, it would be fine. But then, he needed to smoke, and instead of smoking in a bar in the casino, which was air conditioned, we had to go outside, into the foggy, hot, humid, New Jersey night so my hair couldlook a mess. I can deal with cigarette smoke as long as I am drinking, if I am not, I want no part of it. Anyway we saw the show which was good. However at one part he turned to me and asked what "tea bagging" was as that was part of the show. I had to bite my tongue not to burst out laughing. Uh, who doesn't know what that is? But then again....

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 3

Anyway so I left it go, the talking about the ex but I did worry about the whole thing. Well then after a few months of what seemed like perfection, i mean if he was over everynight then maybe he really did like me. Then, he got stressed about this big case, which was normal but normal was that he would call and come over and we would talk. Well, he didn't return my calls, for days. And I got angry, maybe too angry. But he wouldn't call me back. He wouldn't return texts. So I got a little more than upset than I should have. However, since my break up with my ex over two years ago, I have very little tolerance for bullshit from men. Because they all seem to have it.

So, finally Friday, he calls and is like "I'm so depressed with this judge and this case..blah, blah, blah...I will call you back later but I think I need to stay home..." My bullshit level had hit an all time high at this point to I told him that if he didn't call back in an hour, the dog and I were coming over to get him out of this funk...Did he call back in an hour? No, of course not. So my little dog and I hopped in the car and drove over there. But did he come out to let us in? No, in fact he didn't answer the door bell or didn't answer my calls.

I sort of knew at this point, I went too far. I was acting crazy but my good guy friend, G said, I was not, I was acting like a concerned girlfriend and it was okay. But then he never called back all weekend and I just went to my parents house to hide.

But Monday I got myself up for work, sure it was all over. Even if it was not for him, it was for me and if he ever decided to talk to me again I was telling him to go. So I get an email from him saying how it killed it for him that I had such a crisis...And then a call...

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 2

So, he didn't call back. I just sort of wrote him off. Then like three weeks later, I was bored on a Saturday afternoon, and for some reason sent a text to a bunch of people saying "hope you are having a fun weekend!" Twenty minutes later he wrote back. So we made plans to see a movie. Turns out, I said something on our last date that made him think it was a good idea not to return calls or calls. I told him I hated clingy men. Men who needed to be around all the time and had no life of their own. So he decided calling would be a bad thing. Looking back now, I don't think that was true at all, because not calling once or twice, is maybe believable but not calling for three weeks? Yeah not so much. But whatever, I liked him so I thought hey why not.

Things went well for a few weeks. He was over every night after work plus Saturday night and sometimes Sundays. He actually agreed to drive an hour to go to a friend's party with me and things were great. We went to Atlantic City for a weekend to see a comedian I loved who totally rips men most of the time. We were together every day. And we talked on the phone for an hour before seeing each other. He loved my dog and everything was just perfect.

Then he started talking about his ex wife. At first I thought she must have been evil with all the things he was saying about her. She didn't want to work out. He tried to take her shopping and all she did was look at the sale rack. She didn't believe in any sort of higher power. And she was always criticizing him. So I figured, man she must be horrible.

It was fine hearing about her but then him constantly talking about it got a little old. I mean, yes I told him about my ex but as far as constantly bringing him up, I knew it was just a bad thing to do in a relationship. But I let it slide figuring he was still mad at his divorce and I knew the feeling from my breakup.

But then the comments started with other stuff. First of all the not going to the gym thing. I understand if you don't want to work out. I do but some people do not. But he wanted her to go to the gym so she looked like what he wanted in a perfect woman. From what I gathered from this, thin. Although I don't think she was fat in the first place but then what do I know. But this hit home with me, hey does he think I'm fat? What he had told me at the beginning