Books and Bllsht...

I've completely lost it

2012-01-27T14:41:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, husband and I moved out of the city to Jersey. It was the logical move. We needed more room, we outgrew the condo, and we spent months looking for houses in the city only to not really love anything and not have enough room for our two dogs. I really wanted them to have a yard. Husband is from Jersey so it's not bad plus most of our friends have left the city and moved to Jersey. We could have moved to the burbs in PA however the Septa trains sort of suck on a daily basis for commuting. Patco in South Jerz is a lot more reliable plus it only takes like 15 minutes to get home. Well, now every time I go over the Ben Franklin bridge I cry because I can see where our condo is (we still own it, we just have renters now). And I miss our little city life. Now the nutty part is that I was sick of our city life to a point. Our neighborhood was really crowded on weekends with girls in Snooki short outfits slutting it up all year round at the bars. Yes I once was one of those girls but I wouldn't be caught dead, ever in tiny lycra number and heels on a Friday night in Philly. They look like jersey shore rejects. And these people drunk petting my two dogs when I took them out for their last walk of the night on a Friday or Saturday. Or the insane tourists all weekend long asking for directions to things.
And the funniest part of the move? It takes the same amount of time to get home to our Jersey home as it did to get to our condo in Philly. The trip down Market street 15 blocks takes the same as 15 miles into another state?
I still work in the city it just feels different. I guess the burbs is a big adjustment. I don't feel cool anymore. Although I doubt I was very cool when I lived in the city at least not since I am married.

Mondays suck

2012-01-09T14:51:00.000-08:00

Apparently I'm paying for something from a previous life. My job, no matter what I do I can 't win. Like now, husband & I bought a house which we need to paint plus buy other furniture and then move the following weekend. Well, my boss says my time management skills are bad. Oh Really??? Because I can't work all weekend? No my time management skills are fine, it's just I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO! And seriously work is not priority here my house and husband are. Of course she also has NO HEART as she made my poor coworker work on her husband's bday which was a Saturday. Nice one bitch. I don't think she got the memo that we are librarians and no one really gives a f*ck what we do.

Then I get a facebook email from my sister in law's bff about her bridal shower. Okay the wedding isn't until August. I'm in my two best friend's weddings before then and unlike the rest of her bridesmaids, I'm not a teacher so I don't have summers off. So for me planning? Yeah not happening. Besides the fact I can't stand my sister in law. If any of my kids turn out to be a bratty 25 year old, I will disown them. Husband already said no girls please.
Oh and my one friend who I am in her wedding is so afraid husband and I will get pregnant before her wedding. Well sorry if we do. It is our life and we are not living for anyone else. Besides if we hold off until all the weddings are over, guess what another year will have rolled by and me being creeping up on 40 isn't going to add to our baby chances.

gifts for bosses?

2011-12-07T11:35:00.000-08:00

So we have this tradition every year in my library that they give the director a big gift. I don't really get it. She usually gives us like tiny gifts which I would rather do without. Yet we are expected to give the manager like 20 bucks to buy a bigger gift for the director. It must be nice that someone buys you an ipod (1st year I was here) or a $200 macy's gift card yearly because you know she needs new work clothes. I mean really she makes more than the rest of us. I need new work clothes too but I have to stop myself from purchasing because I'm saving money to buy a house. Um she's not really that great of a boss. In fact, she's mean and part of the reason I work my own job plus spend over four hours a week helping out reference when I'm swamped. And much of my source of stress. Take for instance yesterday, everyone else was gone for the day. I needed to leave 15 minutes early just because. Well, because, I was planning on working on part of what I was doing at home and because I worked through lunch. Plus, I'm salaried and work weekends and nights more often than I care to, but I leave early and get an email from her saying can I email some article to a partner. So instead of replying on my blackberry, I have to hurry home, log in to my laptop making it look like I'm still at the office to send this article and then not even get a thanks from anyone involved. Yeah that was nice. Plus you stressed me out so much I didn't go to the gym then freaked out at my husband about the house.
So why is it I'm giving her a gift? That 20 bucks could be better spent on many happier things for me.

Houses...and apparently being a disappointment to my family because I want a big house...

2011-12-05T11:20:00.000-08:00

We found another house that we are making an offer on. I'm sure it will get turned down unless they are desperate to sell. But although I love the old victorian we found, it's like 1.5 miles from the train plus it's near the not so good elementary school for our imaginary children. The other house is 2 blocks from the train and a block from downtown and the good elementary school.

Apparently also now since we are looking for a house so are my younger brother and his wife, which is good, I just don't need my parents comments comparing the two. My husband and I want a bigger house, with probably 4 bedrooms, finished attic and a bigger yard. It's not like it's a mansion! It's a normal sized house. My brother however is looking at a less expensive row home. I send my mom the link to the new house we are looking at and her comment is "it's more expensive and very big" and then proceeds to tell me about the house my brother looked at like it was so much better. No one takes into consideration that we need to be near the city for work, an hour away from the city in PA is cheaper than NJ and we have two very active dogs who need a fenced in yard, they have one sluggish bulldog. My brother and his wife are cool with things. They could care less. I just would rather not hear about my big house and was I going to get a cleaning person, what is it any of their business? And also have they met my husband? He's cheap. We will be cleaning that big house ourselves. And also, it's our money who cares? We are 35 years old and already own one house. I think we can figure out what we are doing. We aren't asking for money or anything.

But it is like this with everything. I feel like my mother likes to make it a competition and I really just want to be left alone. I wanted a big house so I can have family over for holidays. But no matter what I do, it's never good enough. I was the smart kid who always had good grades, my brother not so much. But whatever I did, I could never live up to him. Even now, I finished my masters in library science years ago and have been a librarian for awhile now in a good paying position. My brother, starts working for his college's library while going back to school for teaching, somehow gets a job in the library full time and is now thinking about going to library school. She acts like it's some revolutionary thing, not that her oldest didn't graduate already? She even made it sound like he had a masters and I didn't. Wtf? It's not like I haven't been in this business for years now and have a decent salary. College libraries don't pay that much.

And she's doing it with kids now too. It's like some race to see who gets the first kid, even though I'm sure mine will be the problem children just like my dogs are.

Oy Men...

2011-12-01T12:48:00.000-08:00

I love my husband dearly but sometimes he does oddball things that he has to know are going to drive me mad and make me usually yell at him for not telling me. Like today for instance, I email my husband to tell him that one of the houses we are really looking at buying was taken off of Zillow. I get an email back right away saying he has paid time off and is returning 12/2. Um, did we not take the bus together this morning into work? Where is he? Did we actually just buy the house and he's over there and I have no idea (which is most likely not the scenario, but however would be a wonderful surprise)? And why wouldn't you tell your wife that maybe you were taking part of the day off? He likes to do this many times to go to sporting events during the day or out with the guys and not tell me because he thinks it makes me upset. I really could care less if he goes to hang out with his friends whenever. Most of them are married and have kids so anytime they can hang out with him I say is great. Plus he works a lot so he deserves a break sometimes. But seriously tell your wife? I tell him every insignificant stupid thing. I expect to at least know when he's got a day off because not telling your wife is, um a bit shady. He seems to think if he tells me that I get upset when I really only get upset not being told because dear it looks like you are up to something if you don't. No matter how I explain this, he still doesn't get it...

Why is the heat up to 85 already?

2011-11-18T14:18:00.000-08:00

The people I work with have many issues. One of them is the problem that they turn up the heat in our library to 85 or higher. Yeah I personally like fall and winter and different fashions which include sweaters, tights, and boots. I do not however like to sweat in those things because you feel blouses and cheap cardigans from the loft are proper winter wear. I get cold too but I know how to dress for it.

My real issue with my job is this stupid reference desk thing. I am no longer a reference librarian. I do mostly reports which involve a lot of reading and writing and time. Therefore, I think my coworker and I should not have to spend 3+ hours per week sitting at the reference desk while the reference librarians get time to do nothing but read the news or play on facebook. So both of us get our three hours in sitting here trying to do our own work which is hard because you get interupted out here and then we end up working weekends while they leave before 5 on a Friday while I'm here until 6 and then have to work the next few days too. It makes no sense yet our director sees no issue with this. It would be nice if one of them could fill in for my work too for a few hours a week and maybe I could sit and read a book. It's just unneeded stress for me. The job has made me fat because of the stress and then it just gets worse. I look for other jobs but there is nothing. Two recruiters called me about a job last month that was perfect for me at another firm doing the same thing I do now for almost 2x as much and not in the library but in the marketing department where I could just be in my office working. But even though they said your resume is great, just what the firm is looking for, I don't even get a return phone call or email after the recruiter has an interview with the hiring person at the firm. Then I see a job at my old firm, send my resume to my old director only to hear nothing which basically makes me feel like crap because when I left they practically begged me not to go however they just didn't want to pay me more so I had to. But still everyone sent me flowers for my new office and I'm still friends with a few of the people I worked with who are still there.
I'm just frustrated with the job thing. Yes I should be glad I have one but sometimes the stress isn't worth it. For example, the week I came back from my honeymoon, I had to work the following weekend because a project was due. Yeah great way to start off a marriage. Husband was pissed.
Not to mention we are looking at houses because we are getting older and want to actually start a family. But how when you have to work all the time? Part of me wants out of the city. I love the city for some things but with work, no matter what happens, snow, floods, etc. I'm expected to be here even if I have to walk in a few feet of snow. If we lived in the burbs I could get away with working at home if the weather sucked.
Plus I'm kind of tired of the city. It was fun as a single girl but as I get older it gets more annoying. Our neighborhood has this first friday thing where the galleries are open on the first Friday of the month. It's a nice concept however it's not nice if you live in the neighborhood and have to walk home through the crowds on your street who don't move over or have no concept that people actually live there and need to walk down the sidewalk to get home. Or have to walk dogs in it. Not fun at all.

Preface to my last post

2011-11-16T14:18:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I ever said it on here before but I have celiac disease. It's the thing that makes you not be able to digest gluten which is the easiest way of putting it. It seems to run in my family. I spent much of my life (my younger brother too) not knowing what was wrong with me, why certain foods made me bloat and sick feeling and why I was always either running to the bathroom or not going at all. Seriously when I eat something with gluten in it, my abdomen blows up like a balloon and I look about 7 months pregnant. Beer is usually the worst as it's like liquid wheat, malt, barley, etc. that ends up in feeling like liquid fire once it hits my digestive system or worse I puke as soon as it hits. It's not like an allergy in that I won't go into Anaphylactic shock and die, however it could eventually cause cancer in the small intestine as it tends to ulcerate the intestine (I know TMI). However most people don't get it. I do give my dad a pass sometimes because he's 74 and he doesn't get it, he tends to think my brother and I are on a weird diet because we always had strange taste in food (we were the only kids who ask for rice and beans because we like them) or brussel sprouts...However, sometimes with newer family members (people I take the time to learn things about) I get annoyed. My brother has a similar situation with his in-laws particularly his mother in law who thinks pita bread is okay if it's organic, it's not, it's still wheat. My mother in law usually has no clue either. She does try though. My sister in law though doesn't take the time to read up on things though. To me if a family member or a friend has an allergy, intolerance or sickness of some kind, the first thing I do when I get home is to look it up and try to understand it so that I am not going to do anything to harm them should they come to my house for dinner or we go out to eat. That may just be me though because I'm that way with everything, anything I don't know I find out I look it up to learn. For example my other sister in law has a thyroid disease. I wanted to understand it because she was having trouble getting pregnant and it makes me more understanding to her. But then again that's just me. With cd it's hard because not everyone has even heard of it. But it is common. It's about 1 in every 133 people that have it with most people not even knowing. And there are so many more people who have an intolerance to gluten, same way with the lactose intolerance (which I have lived with since I was born, my poor mom could only feed me soy products as a baby or else I ended up hospitalized with severe stomach issues).

Should I have even been suprised?

2011-11-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

My new sister in law has a penchant for forgetting my wonderful celiac disease which is fine as not everyone gets it but when you make reservations for dinner for such things leaving out helpful hints such as it's a byob is just inexcusable to me. But this she does all the time. Maybe because I'm older and I expect certain things just because to me they are normal, usual things you do for friends and family. This was my lovely scenario last evening. We went to her 2nd birthday celebration (why she needed 2 I don't know, it wasn't a big bday) at a hibachi restaurant in the burbs. We had been at her first on Saturday at some crazy place on the river in the sticks with what they called a great view of far away Philly and the Philly airport which her brother didn't even want to go to that I had to make him go after spending the day looking at houses. So we get to the restaurant where first she introduces us as this is my brother, B and um Library....Okay what about his wife or my sister in law? We just got married a month and a half ago. Then she has saved him a seat next to her single, 25 year old, skinny friend. Nice one. Then offers us beer with a OH I forgot! Yeah I know you forgot, you always forget, last year at your bday you forgot that it was a byob also plus it was an Italian restaurant where they put flour in everything. Then xmas morning you also forgot and made all kinds of food that I could not eat and offered me regular pancakes. Luckily husband had snuck along a box of gluten free pancake mix. Then usually when we make the dinner plans you complain because it's at some crazy place in the city which by the way is easier to get to than your bumf*ck burb places or because the food is "weird." To which the food isn't weird, it's just not chicken nuggets or pasta or whatever. So I told husband I was walking across the parking lot to the lovely Wegmans for a bottle of wine. Husband countered with a do you really need wine? Um do you really want me not to yell at you when we drive home husband? Yeah I think not. So I get my wine, barely drink any of it because actually it was just the point of it all. And I'm quite sure now his mom, grandma, dad, and every other relative now knows the new daughter in law, library is a huge brat. Not that maybe you didn't teach your own kid manners....Because I don't know, when I invite family and friends to a byob I make sure to tell them it's a byob, hell I even send them a link to the menu and then husband and I make sure to take along various beer, wine, and other booze for those who don't want beer or wine so that everyone is covered and comfortable.
I have learned one thing from this all. when going to dinner with my sister in law, always bring a bottle of wine in my purse because if I don't need it to drink at the table, I may need to take it to the ladies room with me for drinks in between the meal....

wow, it really did take the edge off...

2011-11-14T13:41:00.000-08:00

So I have not really posted since the wedding. The wedding was great. Honeymoon went well except for it being humid and hot as hell. Husband and I have discovered we may need to stick to places like Iceland or colder temps because we are the palest two people one has ever seen and also we don't like being hot at all, ever.
Anyway now it's on to house hunting in the burbs. We found one house we like however it's overpriced. We may make an offer although I found some funky things on my credit this week. Banker husband thinks he can fix but I think it's more of me to do.
In the whole process of things too we have decided we want to have kids and since we are a little older that time seems to be now. However, I have been on a wonderful ssri for about 6 years. Dr. is taking me off of it but I hear conflicting stories. Obgyn says I have to totally be off of it before I get pregnant, while my women's health doctor who does everything (obgyn too) and was a doula before med school..says I don't need to wait. So anyway to compromise I'm trying to get off of the stuff which I'm already down two dosage strengths with no real side effects except man do I have a lot of annoying friends. People I work with that I thought were cool, man are they freaking annoying. Like the one, okay yes we found a house we like, however before we make an offer Husband and I are careful, we are researching the schools because we don't want dumb kids. Also, house has been on market for 6 months with no offer and no one even comes to look at it because it's overpriced, plus the economy is shit and it's not close to the train station. And it's becoming winter on the east coast when no one wants to go outside much less look at homes. We were the only couple to see the house to like it. Anyway, her you need a deadline blah blah blah and that she complains about her husband constantly? Yeah she was always like this but man those pills must have majorly took the edge off because now I'm like omg can you please get out of my office? And her constant diet and complaining she's fat--she's a size 4! I have to lose weight because somehow I gained ten pounds before my wedding.

Why is my wedding band advertising my wedding on Facebook????

2011-09-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

I log on to Facebook this afternoon and see this posted by my wedding band: If you are downtown near (wedding site) on Sat afternoon come out and catch the brass at an outdoor wedding. Along with the time and date of my wedding...

Yeah, I get they want more clients but we hired secruity and shut down a street for the purpose of not having the general public milling around or stealing our food and booze...Plus um WE PAID THEM? You don't need to advertise or invite others on my dime...
I swear the lack of common sense with people lately is amazing. And my fiance wonders why I'm so stressed out.

Wow did you really need your egg white omlet that bad?

2011-09-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think the weather just brings out different sides of people. Usually bad weather brings out a nicer more compassionate side of people. Yeah not so much today. It's been raining in the northeast for weeks. Today is just another rainy day. I got to work a little early and headed upstairs to get breakfast since we have no breakfast food at our place. One of our partners gets in the elevator with me and just sort of looks. I guess he thought he should have gotten off the elevator first however, my theory is always ladies first and in most cases that's what the male thinks anyway. Not this guy. He almost ran me over in the hallway to the cafe in order to get in line first to get his egg white omlet first. I know they have to make it and it takes time, but jeez it's an egg white omlet, it takes 2 minutes at the most. And who pushes in front of women? I'm sorry you are SO IMPORTANT that you have to have your omlet first. You are over the age of 50 and should act like a freaking adult. Next time you ask for something at the reference desk, let's see who wants to get it for you because it won't be me...Maybe he had a crappy morning with all the weather. But whatever, I'm operating on 4 hours of sleep and have been nice to everyone. If I wasn't planning on it I would have stayed in my office.
Somedays I don't think I got the right part of my profession. Maybe being a librarian at a college would suit me better. Maybe then I would not have to talk to as many people or maybe I should have been a cataloger. I get so tired of the stupid requests. Everything from where do I return my books--Um to the slot in the wall that says "return books here"? to the bossy secretaries and paralegals who act like the librarians are their secretaries. Seriously pull your own docket. We are here for actual research which is why we all have to have masters degrees! No, I can't print that 500 page document for you, that's actually your job or you should call the copy center. Or to the overly demanding attorneys who think you can get them everything (that's not a public document, oh you think it should be, well that's great you call and tell them that) or the associates who are clueless (what's a docket?)...
I can not deal with the accents either. It's either the nasally south jersey accent (fiance's sister actually has this too although no one else in their family has it) or the south philly accent, or the horrid northeast philly accent where they say things such as pixtures and li-berry. Didn't anyone have a grammer class in school? And if they did, how did they pass?

Rehearsals...

2011-09-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

Apparently fiance and I are not trusted to pick the place for our rehearsal dinner. We found this place we really liked the other week that uses all local ingredients plus has blues at night called the Twisted Tail. It was fun and the food was really good. Then we thought since it was loud maybe the old people would not like it so we said maybe City Tavern would be good. Yeah his dad got back to us yesterday with two Italian restaurants and one I have no idea what it is in the lobby of the Society Hill Sheraton. All of which are gluten loaded. As a Celiac I have learned to deal with people not getting my disease. However his family sometimes takes it to another level. What part of she can't have wheat or any type of gluten don't they get? It's the night before my wedding. I need to eat and I don't want to be bloated from being accidently gluten-ed by some restaurant who doesn't know my food thing. I will suffer through any other event but day before my wedding--yeah I need to be careful. Or I will look like I'm 9 months pregnant in my gown due to the bloating from the pasta or whatever crazy sauce they put on my food. Plus we are big time into eating local food and our wedding is all about being local. We are paying the city for the space plus have a local restaurant across from the space cater the whole thing. Our whole deal is reducing our carbon footprint and supporting local businesses in the community which we live.
Besides that whole thing, we live in the city and in the area of where we wanted to have our rehearsal dinner. We eat out a lot. We know what's good and what's not. We are both big time foodies. Hell we are even picky about our beer and wine so much that we spend a fortune on it and fiance is making his own beer plus trying to make me a gluten free beer. Is he doing it because little sister only eats chicken and pasta? Yeah it's not her wedding.
In other news I think she may have bought the wrong color dress. She keeps pointing to things that are light teal. The dress should have been royal blue. I'm a little scared however if she got it wrong she's the one looking like an asshole not me...

Hurricanes and earthquakes...

2011-08-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

First an earthquake yesterday in Philly...Now the threat of a possible cat 2 hurricane hitting the area Sunday.
And Sunday of all days...My bridal shower...wouldn't it figure we would have a hurricane on my bridal shower day. On the bridal shower, outside at my parents house. Well that's just fun.
I thought I moved away from Florida and hurricanes...I thought when I moved back here we would have our annual bad rain storm and then snow storms to deal with. Not the crazy hurricane preparations again. Dear lord I don't want to go to Wegmans tonight. And I have to because we are running out of food, which grocery shopping with broken ribs and crazy people buying all the bread, milk, and toilet paper does in no way sound like a fun evening to me. And I love love love Wegmans.

Klutz...

2011-08-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

Yeah that would be me, the clumsiest person I know. My brother calls me a menace to society. I'm just overly accident prone. Who else goes on a trip to India only to walk out of the airport in Delhi to fall in the parking lot. And then get in the car for a 4 hour drive to Agra with a bloody knee saying all i need is a band-aid. Then in the process of asking for a bandage at our hotel, and upon seeing how bad my knee actually was had to have a doctor and then a surgeon come to their hotel room in India to stitch up the knee. That's me. The good parts of that were that they have the best doctors in the world in India and it only cost $100 to have both doctors there. My brother then said I was wreaking havoc all over the world.
I'm the person who goes on a 3 hour bike ride to get a block from home and fall off my bike. Or who runs 6 miles and trips on the sidewalk 100 yards from my door.
My fiance is away this week for work and of course, I would fall and actually hurt myself. I went for a run last night since I decided I must work out daily before our wedding. The run wasn't the problem, the shower after my run was. Somehow I fell in my bathtub breaking ribs...Ribs that apparently won't heal for 6 weeks. Yeah my wedding is 4 weeks away. And a huge bruise down my side which if doesn't heal soon will look really pretty for my honeymoon on the beach...Klutz...

good luck to you...

2011-08-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

So I woke up Saturday morning to a text from my Florida ex. He apparently got married that morning to his girlfriend in Vegas. Why would I care? And was it a big coincidence that he maybe saw on Facebook that I was getting married next month? Who knows. But why tell me? So I feel bad that he never wanted to marry me? Frankly I could care less. My fiance is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is the most wonderful man and is perfect for me.
My life in Florida seems like a distant dream. Yeah I lived there for six years but it's weird sometimes it doesn't even seem like it was real. I feel sometimes like I took a vacation from life in PA and then came back and all was well with the world again. I don't regret not staying there. I was done with the place long before that. It took that awful breakup to make me leave the state though and go back to where I was comfortable. In the end, I did what I originally planned: go there for school and then move back to the northeast.
I do have to say good luck to the poor girl he married. From what I could deduce from fb she's from Poland and young. He will never be happy with just one woman. He never was. And when she turns 30, good luck to her because he may not stick around long after that. But he always did like the girls from Europe. And he preferred they didn't speak the best English because they could not talk back or question everything. I'm not sure why that is but whatever.
So I returned the text with the only thing to be said: Good luck to you and Congrats.

Off to NJ...

2011-08-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

Future Father In Law's Retirement party...Let's see if I can attempt not to strangle my future sister in law tonight...My guess is the evening will go like this--sister in law and parents will call and/or text my fiance and I like 500 times asking when we are coming because no one understands that we both usually work until 6pm and then need to go home to walk and feed our two dogs before getting in the car and driving to the lovely garden state...Then future sister in law's fiance will get lost because he doesn't know how to use a gps...She will then freak out and cry yet again somehow blaming us...then we will arrive to find absolutely no food I can eat, so I will drink more wine than I should trying to keep my mouth shut...ahh should be such a fun evening...remind me again why I said oh sure it's a good idea for us to go...
The good part of this is that the future in laws are moving out of state to Florida after our wedding. However the bad part is that leaves us with the sister...
I was planning a little pre-party action today at our office cocktail party which here at big fancy law firm we have once a month. I never pass up an opportunity for free booze...However, my lame coworkers never want to go to it because it's at 5pm and you know they work until 5:30 or 6 so how can they do that...Um the rest of the firm does...Lame librarians...

why did you have to come along????

2011-08-12T07:30:00.000-07:00

Future sister in law....argh...She basically ruined dinner last night. We thought the fiance's brother and wife were coming to Philly to go to dinner with us in Fishtown at this place called the Memphis Taproom that we saw on diners drive-ins and dives when we were in NY to visit them. So his brother has been obsessed with the place since then and we ate there once and loved it . And then we would take them to the newish Steve Starr German beer garden too. Yeah that didn't happen.

I was so excited to go too because I love them. And they are foodies and beer/wine snobs like us. However, they pull up and of course fiance's sister is along and driving. So of course I was annoyed because we got in the car and the scared of philly/highway/streets started. I get it, she's from the burbs in Jersey but hey I'm from the burbs in PA and I'm not scared of the place. As a side note I went with the family to the zoo on Tuesday with fiance's mom, sis, brother & wife and baby. I took them down Girard Ave where the zoo is located and sis was driving and having a fit becuase she thought it was scary. Yeah that's not even a bad section of the city...
So we get there and apparently her fiance is supposed to meet us. Well he then proceeds to get lost in philly (because he can't use a gps and is as retarded as she is) so he says he's going home. Well then she starts texting him and he doesn't answer which, um hello? he was driving and probably tired. So we go to have dinner and he doesn't answer her texts and nor does their dad who since it was 8pm, had probably fallen alseep.

Then we go to order and of course she doesn't like any of the food there becuase it's not plain (seriously her diet is plain chicken with honey mustard, maybe shrimp or crabs if she's not paying, or pasta) and well this place doesn't do plain food which is why we like it (U d mashed parsnips and leeks with a steak) nor do they have light beer (which she asked for--it's a beer garden do you really think they have coors light?) Fiance & his bro look at her like she said something unknown to them when she asked for that considering they were drinking some sort of belgian beer that had more alcohol than wine in it...I love the place because it has belgian gluten free beer that is dark which makes me very very happy.

So the four of us proceed to order tons of stuff on the menu because we are starving and everything is good plus we want to share stuff--yeah not little sis, she orders grilled green beans which she then doesn't eat because she starts crying AFTER she finally gets in touch with her fiance and we find out he's fine and just went to get food.

So needless to say our dinner then ended because she had to get home to him. Then she blamed fiance for picking as she put it "some obscure place no one can find" argh. We got home and fiance was like WHY did my sister come along? She should know that if we are going it's not going to be somewhere she would eat. Seriously, last time we had dinner with her, we took their 86 year old grandma to dinner with us who could find plenty she wanted to eat (and have a beer too) and sis was stressing because they didn't have honey mustard sauce or plain chicken...

Seriously I would like to grab her and shake her and be like HELLO YOU ARE AN ADULT! You are getting married and have a house!!! Freaking act like an adult!

So I really need to stop looking at facebook...

2011-07-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

I really do because my future sister in laws updates usually just piss me off. I know I should be so happy for her but I hate it. She's my fiance's little sister. This was supposed to be my time: my engagement time, my wedding planning, my wedding...Instead not two months after I'm engaged she is in engaged. Luckily it will be another year until they get married but she already got her dress yesterday and it just makes me so annoyed. I waited well over a year for my engagement. And it was supposed to be MY TIME! I have always been the one in the background and no one pays much attention. The same with my fiance. We are great at doing goofy stuff and doing wonderful things for friends but yeah not so much spotlight on us ever. We are both very quiet. So when we got engaged and the whole planning it was supposed to be my time to shine. Well not really. She's now all into planning and going to all these expensive boutiques and ballrooms for everything. It makes our little wedding outdoors at a historic square in the city pale in comparison. Not that I wanted a big wedding. I didn't. Honestly we could not afford it because we are paying for it (she's not, her parents are). But whenever anyone says anything about our venue I want to scream. I love where we are getting married and it fits us.
Or maybe I just don't like her...My fiance would hate that I said that. But she's such a high maintanence poa. Even my bridesmaid dresses--i told them order them on jcrew.com and get them in royal blue. They were on sale (down to $60 bucks from $250)...She can't order online because she has to try it on and oh are we going to make a day of it? No we are not making a day of it, I work every day and don't have time to make a day of it. Besides the only jcrew bridal store is in nyc and appointments on weekends are almost impossible. Plus--I Order on jcrew all the time. Or you can go to the store in the mall and get measured and they will tell you which dress...but nope, not her. She had to have her fiance drive to nyc (and he's never been there at all before, ever) and try on the dress, then she liked the navy blue better (my moh and other bridesmaid already had their dresses --which they ordered online) so no you can't get navy. Then the hair, we are all going to my salon to have our hair done. Not her, she needs to go to her own to get her hair done to use it as a run through for her hair for her wedding (um seriously this is my wedding and yours is a year away) and besides that my other two bridesmaids are getting married in a few months and they are not using this as their run through. It's like one big mess of a day.

So sick of work

2011-07-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

Work is horrible. My boss has already made 3 of us cry yesterday...Apparently i was supposed to work all weekend because my boss worked Friday night and all day saturday. I just said well i have a wedding to plan and a fiance and two dogs. (I almost added not 2 cats who don't need to be walked or paid attention to)...And she said well i need to better balance my time with wedding things and work. She actually said this to me. I can't help it she doesn't have a life. I work until 6, what can i get done after that? Til I get home and take the dogs out its already 7 oclock. Then I have to make dinner and somehow fit in time for a workout so I am healthy and don't die of a stress induced heart attack. I don't lose weight to begin with because I sit all day long.

I didn't know that my job required working all night Friday, saturday and Sunday. She seriously needs someone to tell her off. Just because she doesn't have a life doesn't mean we don't. Marketing doesn't work all weekend like she thinks they do, they can't. Most of them are married and have kids. I have just had it with her. She will get hers though. If we have kids, my coworker will probably be pregnant around the same time I will and there is nothing she can do about it. Hahaha :) All she can do is pout and stamp her feet like the bitter old spinster she is.

Stupid...not me, the frog...

2011-07-22T07:16:00.000-07:00

I was reading a blog post this morning on exotic pets over at Wide Lawns and it got me thinking about my own exotic pet experience. When I was a sophmore in college, my roommate and I decided to get pet African Clawed Frogs. We tried fish for awhile during our freshman year and into the beginning of our sophmore year, however my dear roommate had a penchant for killing fish. Seriously, T must have had like over 20 fish die in the past year. She tried but they never lived. So, we each bought a frog and kept them in their own aquariums in our room. She named hers Pluto for the god of death because we had little hope he would live out the week. And I named mine Stupid, mostly because he seemed to swim into the glass all day long. Also, because at the time we were watching the tv version of Steve Martin's "The Jerk" and he named his dog Stupid on there (actually he named the dog Shithead but it was the edited for tv version and I was a stupid 19 year old). They both lived for awhile, however I think over our Christmas break, hers passed. Mine however lived on and just kept getting bigger and bigger. Over the summer, we had to move him to a larger aquarium because he was just too big for the smaller one. We also discovered that at night, he liked to sing. I really loved the frog singing me to sleep and still sort of miss it.
Anyway, over that summer we moved into a house off campus with four of our friends. Stupid came with us. He lived in my room for awhile until we realized that cleaning his tank required a lot of work so we moved him to the living room sometime during our junior year. Also, when I went home over the summer, then my other housemates could feed him. We also realized that the frog food just wasn't cutting it so we started to feed him feeder fish. Well this thing was a pig. He would eat all ten feeder fish in one day. It was gross to watch too.
He lived through everything. We had parties where people would spill beer in his tank, the thing still lived. I think it made him bigger. He jumped out of the tank mulitple times but still lived. And he was mean. If you opened the top to try to feed him he would try to bite. He just looked evil most of the time. And he just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. So finally after our senior year, my one housemate and I got the brilliant idea that we should maybe get rid of him. But no one wanted him. So we decided the creek at the end of our street that emptied into the Lehigh River would be a great place to release him.
We did and I have no idea what happened to him. I don't think much would have hurt him and I'm sure he probably reeked havoc in the river for awhile eating everything in his path.
Now I just stick to dogs. They are much friendlier...

There should be a rule for that....

2011-07-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

So I said before I'm now engaged. However, I'm getting married in September of this year. Yeah I know very very soon. It's fine but I really don't need everyone'e opinions. We will do what we want and if you don't like it, don't show up. First it was that it's going to be outside and it's going to be too hot. It's the end of September in Philly, it's not going to be that hot. And then about the bridesmaids dresses. I picked out a cheaper dress for you, if you don't like the color too bad. Now with the invitations. I had cool invitations handmade. So my mom calls to tell me that my cousin said he could have done them on his computer. Well if he could get actual library cards and print them on them, I would like to see him try. Oh and the why can't you have my minister marry you from the future mother in law. My fiance said a dozen times no ministers, priests, pastors, rabbis, etc. We don't do church. We are rather happy being the heathens we are.
My maid of honor seems to be having issues with her own wedding now. Her future mother in law offered to pay for their wedding if they had it at her country club. Well his sister had a fit so now they are not paying, yet they still expect her to pay to have it at the club and invite all of their friends who the bride does not even know.
So in reality people should keep their mouths shut when it comes to other peoples weddings...

updates..houses..weddings

2011-06-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

So, I'm engaged as of Friday the 13th last month. It was wonderful. :) I love my fiance more than anything however planning a wedding and buying a house may turn me into an alcholic. It's so bad that if anyone mentions houses I get annoyed and want to slap them. Particularly a friend at work. I know she means well but her you-must-go-see-the-house-you-like-today crap is getting old. Yes in a perfect world when I see a house online I like, one could go see it today. In reality, you have to either wait for the listing agent to get back to you or your buyers agent which in this market are both busy and can't always show you stuff. Besides that, if it looks good online, who knows what it will look like in person. Also, hello, I'm getting married in 3 months, this entails loads of other stuff to do and also I need to relax at some point or I will lose my mind. And run, running is the only thing that keeps me sane. Getting fat before my wedding will make me a very unhappy camper.
Anyway, fiance has found a house he loves but I think is way too overpriced. We went from looking at houses in the 299K range the other month to now looking at houses over 400K. Um, yeah that's a big difference to me. And honestly I'm not a fan of big house. Big house would be fine if I didn't have to clean it. Or if I wanted loads of kids. I'm 35 and am busy, there is not a chance we are having more than 2. I'm at the point where I want everyone to leave me alone. The wedding is sucking up a lot of time to begin with and no one seems to get that I don't have patience at all. House is great but if we can't find one until we get married that's fine too. I would rather settle into our new life without tons of stress and money already.

Easter...

2011-04-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

Wow three posts in one day. This is amazing. A lot of stuff has been happening lately.

Easter was good. We actually went home to see my family although not without some controversy. The week before Easter, we got a card in the mail from the boy's parents (well his mom) saying she would really like it if we could go to 8:45 am church with her on Easter and then to lunch with his parents and then she said we could go home and spend the rest of the day with our two dogs. Well, seeing this irritated me. I try to be equal at giving our families our time but really, his family gets much more of our time than my own. Yes, they only live 20 minutes away but still. And when I saw the card, the first thing that popped into my head was --"wait a minute, does she even get that I have a family I may want to see on Easter??" And I just turned to him and said well I already told my mom we were coming with the dogs plus my brother and his wife and dog were coming also. And we had not been at their place since Christmas. Anyway, his mom then called him last week to ask to which he said flat out "No we are not going to church." So the next day my cell phone rings while I am at work, I didn't answer because I was heading to a meeting and busy as everything as well it's work. And it was his mom asking if we could please come to church. She had said she would call back so I just went on with what I was doing and let it go. What his parents and mine do not always get is that we both work until 6pm. So by the time we get home, walk the dogs and spend time playing with them and feeding them and then making dinner for ourselves, it is often well after 8pm if not 9 until we are able to call anyone.
I don't want his family to hate me but I have issues with church. Some people feel at peace there. I don't. I feel uncomfortable and sometimes I feel like I'm being fed a line of crap. And boyfriend seems to be the same way. He doesn't like going to church. He feels sunday mornings are for running and then having coffee and watching the weekly political shows. My mom said maybe she wanted us to meet the minister. Well that's nice but we are not getting married in a church. Sorry. I don't care if they think I'm a heathen or what. Boyfriend doesn't like church and I think you don't have to be in a church to pray. From what I see organized religion seems to create this you are wrong if you don't believe what I believe thing that I want no part of. If others want to then that is fine. But I don't believe in pushing it on others.
Anyway, today I log into facebook only to see his sister posting on his page--don't be so MIA I miss you. Okay well here's the thing, we have jobs where we work until 6pm. She teaches nursery school and is home by 3. We also have 2 dogs to deal with who are not allowed at any of his family's houses plus we are looking for a house. Plus, they know where we live too.

No we really didn't plan this...

2011-04-25T14:06:00.000-07:00

Along with the winning thing lately, my boss and I seem to have a strange thing where we go shopping separately yet somehow manage to purchase the same clothing...We interviewed someone last week for the job we had open with us. Well, that day she comes to my office in the morning only to realize we had the same outfit on, exactly from the same store. It's bad enough they call us the blond team because it seems that all the other librarians except for us have brown hair. And the two of us work together on something completely different than the others. Now we seem to be dressing alike. It's a little embarrassing to show up though for an interview in the same outfit though. Although the comment was made that if the person we were interviewing showed up in the same thing we had to hire her.

winning...

2011-04-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

And no not the Charlie Sheen kind of winning...Last month a friend of mine and I went to a bridal show. It was okay but in reality had there not been free drinks and food I doubt we would have stayed long. The fashion show they had was okay but the other stuff I just really wanted nothing to do with. I can't eat most cakes and I already know the bakeries I would need to use for our cake plus I already have a photographer and the other stuff just doesn't seem that important. Anyway, about a week or two after this event I start getting emails that I won things. Now, I NEVER win anything. Sweepstakes, lottery, you name it, I'm not a winner. Now with this bridal thing which is a sore point with me due to the fact that the boy is making me wait for the ring because he thinks all women are in a competition and he thinks I am too competitive and need to lose. First it was an engagement photography shoot. And I didn't believe it was real until the woman emailed me back saying yes it was real, they even airbrush photos for you. Then I win some registry thing and get a check for $100 in the mail. Craziness.
To top it off, I have been stressed about work and feeling like I don't get paid enough for all the work I have been putting in. Well, last Friday I was informed during my review that I am getting a huge raise plus getting help wtih other stuff. AND they hired one of my friends who will now be my coworker. It's amazing.
So I decided since I was on such a streak to just buy the damn wedding dress. So I did.
Now lets see if he gives me the ring in a month...

Is it dumb to buy a wedding dress before you are actually engaged?

2011-04-22T06:40:00.000-07:00

So I know we are getting engaged this year and I know we are getting married next year. But I have yet to get the ring. I however accidentlly found the perfect dress on ebay. So now do I buy it? Or do I wait? It's so perfect for me though. 1920s flapper fringe in a wedding dress and it is only on sale on there for 2 more days. Just like I lost on out the jcrew dress I wanted when they had their sale I'm sure this one will be gone too...

Librarians and degrees...

2011-04-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

Listening to this woman at work talk about her wedding makes me want to punch her. It's horrible. I think it's just that I don't like her. She's one of those people who never had to work for anything and but she's completely miserable. And anything that comes out of her mouth makes me want to scream.

I love my boyfriend and our life together. Yes he's being slow about stuff and yes I expected I would be first. But it's hard. I'm turning into some sort of bridezilla.

First of all, she got her job somehow by accident. When she was in high school, she somehow got a job putting books away at the county law library which then she ended up working summers and breaks at one of the law firm libraries filing and putting stuff away. Contrary to most peoples beliefs, this is not what actual librarians do---rarely do we shelve books. Anyway, somehow after college she got a job in a library. This is all fine and dandy but to actually be a librarian (in any normal place), they make you go get your masters. However, somehow working here awhile, they just decided to give her the title. She does know what she is doing on somethings, but other stuff like finding scientific and business stuff, she doesn't know because well, you learn some of that stuff in library school. Plus it devalues the profession in my opinion. What good does my two years of blood sweat and tears (not to mention thousands of dollars) do me if you are going to let someone who didn't go through school do the same thing? And the thing is she has had plenty of time to get it. As a single person who lives a few blocks from her entire family and having no kids or pets, you have plenty of time to go to school. I mean I worked full time and carried almost a full time school schedule as did most of my collegues.

Anyway, i think my anger about the wedding has passed on to this now. But then again a friend of mine did say her attitude has gotten extremely worse since she got a ring. One would think you would be happy and floaty, however it just made her more of a b*tch than before.

Ugh and the damned will vault. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put this in the library and give the librarians the password was sorely mistaken. Having secretaries barge into my office while I'm trying to work, interupt me so I can go search for the password to open their damn vault for them. It makes no sense.

Happy Friday all...I need a cocktail soon...

Rainy day dogs...

2011-04-15T09:41:00.001-07:00

We do not like the rain at all...But we hate these stupid matching raincoats even more...

the ring...

2011-04-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

I'm having definite issues with the boyfriend and the engagement ring. We went to pick out a ring in February. Actually he was going to take me the day after my birthday to look at rings but I was so upset that he didn't bother to get me anything for my birthday or even a card that I forced him to go shopping that day and by the time we got to the jewlers it was closed. Had he just TOLD me that was where we were going I would not have stalled all day long. But then the next weekend we went and picked out a ring and then told his parents and the rest of the world. I thought that meant we would be gettting engaged soon, not months from now.
I have asked is it soon and all I got was some made up date in June. I am trying to be patient. But, honestly I'm just annoyed at the whole thing. Now everytime we go somewhere it's on my mind and when it doesn't happen I feel awful and just want to go home to cry. I do think it's partially mean what he's doing. It's like oh here is the ring and it's like a carrot in front of the horse and I'm supposed to just keep following along. I hate it. It makes me feel like I have no say in the entire thing nor can I even plan something now or feel comfortble talking about it. Like when I asked about the wedding last week he said I didn't have to invite his friends or family. Um WHAT? Yeah that will go over really well considering his one friend didn't allow dates at his wedding and half of their friends did not go. Or that he changes daily. One week it's I don't want to wait to get married, we have to do it this year. And then the next is I don't know. I mean be consistent. I know he does a lot of it just to be funny but to me IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE! I'm just so annoyed with him lately I don't even want to have sex. I just want him to leave me alone to sleep because I would rather sleep than even think about the whole ordeal. If he could be consistent with his stuff or at least talk about it then I would be fine. He's not a big talker to begin with and would rather not tell anyone anything. I know that about him and I accept it but when it is my life and timing of things is being affected by things at work, with his parents moving, etc. then it becomes a big deal with his not wanting to tell anyone anything.
I am trying hard to be patient but I get stuck on something and that's where my mind stays. I will not feel comfortable with anything until I have the ring. And it's horrible to be like that and I have tried to be patient and just deal with it but I thought when we picked out the ring that meant we would be engaged soon. Not months from now. I was so happy that day. And now I'm just enraged more than anything now. Even running, I go running and come home more p*ssed off than when I left the house. Ugh I'm just so frustrated I could scream.

The worst part is his mom sent me a card with a belated bday present and I had to try hard not to send her a thank you card with you son is so frustrating with this engagement thing in it. And his grandma is coming to stay with us (yeah he informed me of this last weekend) in may for a weekend. It's going to be hard if we are not engaged by then for me not to say something. It's hard being with her for a few days as she is a diehard republican and watches fox news all day long.

I love him dearly but the boy is driving me insane. His stubborness is just overwhelming to me. I know he wants it to be a suprise and blah blah blah, but I have waited for a year. Honestly I thought he was going to propose in India and then again when we were in Florida, and nothing.

To make matters worse, the ugly mean nonlibrarian got engaged and is now planning a wedding at the time when I was supposed to have vacation and most likely get married. So now his not talking just makes matters 100 times worse at work. I already can't stand this woman and can't deal with the fact that my life has to be planned around her 2nd wedding but now I may not be able to do anything at all.

Adjustments...

2010-11-18T14:37:00.001-08:00

The whole living with the boyfriend thing is stressing me out. I'm not the person to shut off my emotions. Some days I can't even control them at all. But bf, although he's wonderful most of them time, when he's got something to do or doesn't want to talk, he goes to sleep. How do they do that? I stay up all night crying and being so upset and wake up feeling like shit.

not doing well with the moving situation...

2010-11-10T14:19:00.000-08:00

So the boyfriend and I are moving in together on Saturday...well it's been a month of this moving stuff buying furniture, etc. and I feel now like we live on an episode of hoarders. The poor dogs can't even walk around other than the small paths we have through things. I want to put my clothing away. Can not deal with clutter.. I took a ton of stuff to the thrift shop but i still have so much. How does one person accumulate so much crap in 4 years?! It's so stressful that I about lost my sh*t yesterday when my boss said at work that she could not possibly give me a day off to work on the moving, packing, etc. I called my mom and cried then proceeded to sit on the couch and have a nervous breakdown until I decided maybe I needed some wine and to relax and not freak out. She had said oh you can get it done at night because you know at 7 when I get home what I really want to do is walk 8 blocks and pack and clean. Besides the fact we have 2 dogs who need to be walked, fed and played with. But then again I'm not allowed to use the dogs as an excuse. Apparently because the bosses only have cats they don't get that dogs have to be walked and paid attention to when one comes home from work. Dogs do not like being ignored, particularly my two. Plus when I had to take a day off last year to take my dog to the evet because she swallowed a large stick that became lodged in her intestines they thought it was ridiculous. I mean because I would leave her there for them to make a call as to what to do had it not been able to be removed?

we are not in college anymore...

2010-10-13T14:01:00.000-07:00

Damn neighbors, idiots have not let me get any sleep since they moved in. Either it is yelling at night, loud sex, or now my all time favorite, f*cking up the laundry. Seriously, all the new people who have moved in my building seem to think it's collge and leave your shit lay in the washer and dryer for hours or days. People there are 8 apartments, there are 7 days of the week, the dryer takes two hours to dry one large load --do the math, this means you have to take your shit our when it's done not five hours later. Also, if you don't work do your laundry during the day. Those of us who work need to do stuff after 6. I get it I can't wait til the weekend, so I do my stuff Monday or Tuesday which used to be safe days, um not anymore. Now it's all week long and also lets wash our old shitty rugs in the washer and get old shitty rug shit all over the washer and the dryer. Nice real freaking nice. I can't run because i never get any sleep so i'm just getting fatter and fatter and more annoyed by the second. I'm moving soon so this shouldn't be that much of an issue however i was hoping to look good for an upcoming wedding and trip and that's not happening. Besides all that there is the smoke. Um it's a NON smoking building. This doesn't mean smoke in your bedroom so your poor neighbor has to smell it when she's trying to go to bed.
Lack of sleep has made me miserable. I want to seriously throw shit at them everytime i see them. Bastards. How does trash afford my building? Maybe because there are two of them. But it was such a nice place before; all single women and gay men with one couple thrown in the mix. It was lovely, and quiet.
I just want sleep and clean laundry. That's all...

Can't concentrate on one thing...

2010-09-30T08:47:00.001-07:00

I'm so busy lately with the move coming in two months plus the million other things we have going on: concerts, friend's gallery opening, alumni and various board events, tips to buffalo to see his fam, weddings out of state. I feel like we semi matching furniture plus I need to get a dress to this wedding. But I can't decide what or how or even make time to go shopping other than running out over lunch to shop in the city which doesn't amount to much.

Plus, my boss needs to find something to do. She's driving me crazy the past few days. She comes out to ask me if i'm done with this or that like 100 times a day and then offers how to do it. I have a lot of work but she apparently doesn't have much so she's being snarky to marketing plus now she's getting in on my project. She can't let go of any power. They created my position so she would not have to work so much. Hopefully the new guy will put her in her place. but he doesn't start til oct 18th. I don't know how much more I can take of her until then.

Correctol...damn you...

2010-09-29T14:39:00.001-07:00

After a particularly bad two weeks of barely being able to go to the bathroom (#2 that is), I gave in last night and took Correctol....You know the one from the commercials when we were kids. It's the gentle lady laxative. Gentle, my friends, it is not. I tired saline (makes me puke) and natural laxatives (also make me puke) but this, this was some horrible sh*t. I woke up this morning with horrid stomach pains worse than any gas that I have ever had. I thought i was going to die. Seriously, my poor dog looked at me like something bad was going to happen and took off to hid under my bed. Also, I noticed my room smelled like something died and was hidden under the bed. Guess it gave me gas too. Well after some explosions I felt okay and got ready for work. However not an hour after sitting down was I running to the ladies room with hopes no one else was in there because mount Vesuvius was erupting again. Any type of liquid or food was sending me straight to the bathroom. Yikes. Holy sh*t (literally).

To say I have stomach issues is putting it lightly. I was diagnosed with having IBS when I was in college. Mostly the c part however once or twice a year my colon likes to throw in a surprise with a month of the d. Ick. Although, I learned that that's what they call it until they figure out what the hell you actually have. For years I struggled with awful constipation and pain after eating certain foods. My one doctor actually told me I needed to exercise more when I was sitting in his office after yet another round of tests where they found nothing. My mother looked at me and looked at him and burst out laughing..."Exercise more? The kid is a cross country runner. She runs daily since she was 15. Exercise more? We think she exercises TOO MUCH!" He then went on to say I was looking heavier. Um dude I run 30-50 miles a week plus I have horrid stomach issues, I eat baby food most of the time, I don't lose weight, for me losing weight equals not eating...At the time I probably was 120 lbs at best. See when I get a bout of horribleness, my stomach swells up to look like I'm close to a delivery date. Nothing makes it go away until I can finally get out whatever got stuck in the first place. Then, he also told me it was stress. Whatever. It took til I was 33 until they discovered hey take a blood test and maybe a sample of the girls colon and find out. Turns out I have celiac disease. And years of stomach issues could have been helped with one stupid simple test rather than doctors saying stress or they had no idea. Take fiber was their favorite which I would take and then get so bloated I looked pregnant. Anyway, now somehow I have limited my diet that I'm okay. I still get the bouts but usually they go away. Yikes to the correctol though. That shit is serious.

No "and guest"....

2010-09-20T13:49:00.001-07:00

So the bf's good friend from high school is getting married in November. He got an invitation and said I was to come along with him. However I looked at the invite and it just said for boyfriend not "and guest". My super sensitivity saw this and was like um he's not allowed to bring a guest, but then my other part of me said, don't tell him he won't know as etiquette definitely is not his thing (if it doesn't involve banking or business). It's a destination wedding no less so he would be away all weekend and I would be annoyed as all of our friends will be there but not me as i'm only the girlfriend. I hate that part of this limbo we are between. Not married, not engaged just spending 75% of the week together at one of our apartments and treating our two dogs as our kids...Limbo sucks.

When (or should I say if) I ever get married I'm letting all single people bring someone. It's not right and it's plain mean to make them go alone to one of these stupid things when most of their friends are married. I've been to those things before and let me tell you they freaking suck. You just feel pathetic. Maybe it's different for men but still.

I think he sent it back with me on it anyway but we will see. Now I have yet another thing to worry about. I googled what no "and guest" means and got all these bridal blogs and forums with brides b*tching about how no "and guest means" you are not allowed to bring someone and guys ask all the time and one said she didn't want her single friends "flavor of the week" at her wedding. Rude rude rude. Think about the friends who have girlfriends who maybe you don't get to see all the time because hey we all live in different states. My friends always invited me "and guest" because it's just the right thing to do and it's up to my judgment as to who to bring with me. I'm not going to bring some hook up along with me to a wedding.

I'm so annoyed yet again. I had finally calmed myself down about the engagement thing and now this. This is yet another reason why I told him it's IMPORTANT for our FRIENDS to know we are in a relationship. He thinks they all know so hey it's all good. No it isn't. Some people don't see things and need to be told. I tell everyone. I know i'm a girl but whatever. It's important.

marriage..

2010-09-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

I have a weird thing to tell. My parents just got married over labor day weekend. Well, my mom and my step dad. They have been together for 28 years now so it's not been a big suprise to me. My mom was always so not into being married again. But I think she realized that they had to just to protect themselves in case anything happened since they are getting older. And as a result of the sets of kids not seeing exactly eye to eye.
It's weird though. I have not been home since the wedding. i want to but i feel the drama of a wedding and a joint will is too much for me right now. I don't honestly know what it is. I just don't want to go there.
Marriage is an odd thing. I never thought of them as not being married. He's my dad in my head and we listen to both of them. I haven't seen my real dad since I was 7. That's 27 years. He just sort of disappeared. We saw him once at rite aid and he ran away. But my stepdad always treated us like we were his. I mean sometimes he got weird but it was mostly in that he thought we didn't think of him as dad. But to me the man who played catch with me and who would run with me when I started cross country, was dad. my real father never did anything. from what i remember he would send me off to the park (which my mom NEVER would have allowed) to play with the kids from his neighborhood while he hung out with the neighbors drinking.
But I'm weird now with going home.
Maybe it's the odd situation I'm in wiht the boyfriend. I don't know. I'm freaked out and I wish I knew what way things were going> And i'm scared. Very scared.

It's never going to happen....

2010-09-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

I ran into my boyfriend at lunch outside the apple store. I actually saw him in there as I walked by so I stopped and tried to finish talking to my mother (who I'm sure is horribly disapproving of me now but that's another story) when he came out.
Does the man need yet another computer/ipod/gadget? I mean he's got his whole computer systems music set to run through his sound system already which can be controlled with his iphone. That's great but maybe you should consider going to buy your girlfriend a ring in that you were talking about engagement.
Why is it so hard? I don't understand. I think sometimes all he cares about is himself and all the sh*t he needs for his computer, music, tv, condo, etc. All the while talking about us buying a house. Are we looking? No. Is he buying stuff that will match my stuff? No.
When I asked him last month he said he was not ready to ask me and would I rather keep asking him so he asks me at an unromantic time or would I rather he wait? Waiting is great but where's the ring? There is no sign of such a thing. He spends all this time and thousands on computer shit but where's my ring! I sound like Charlotte on satc. Jeez. A few years ago my friends compared me to Samantha. Look at what a relationship does...Yikes.
The thing is he does everything else. He pays most of the time we go out. He goes out of his way to buy wine and plus cider and gluten free foods for his place because of my celiac disease. He gets us tickets to sporting events and concerts and spends the weekend (most of the time) with me. I just don't know what to do.
I just want to get on with it. This going back and forth and packing a bag shit is getting old. Yes it's only 8 blocks but we have to spend all the time at his place because of the dog (unruly dog who needs to be crated at night). I want one house to go to with both of our dogs. One place and one person to have dinner with. And that same one person to fall asleep with at night. Nothing else. I don't care for any of the other crap. I don't want a big wedding. I want something simple outside where I can wear a jcrew dress. I don't even want bridesmaids. I just want our friends and family or even just us. I just don't get the not being ready stuff. We spend most of the week together anyway. Wouldn't it make life easier? Is it the money? The not wanting to give up being alone? Which I wish he understood if we lived together and I had my own area in the place I would be much less likely to be with him constantly. It's hard though in a 1 bedroom condo where the bedroom is a loft. The only door to get away is the bathroom.
The whole sneaking suspicion is that it's never going to happen. That I'm going to waste another block of years with someone who isn't going to marry me and I will just end up alone again.

Seriously dude?

2010-08-27T14:07:00.000-07:00

Ah Friday...There are things that will always be on Fridays--I will be stuck at the reference desk, some dumb paralegal will ask us to do something as a "rush" that he or she could do themselves in probably less time it took to write the email, and the reference librarians will leave early leaving me to do their work plus my own. We have one paralegal that I was so happy had left, only to find out he's now in one of our CA offices. And he doesn't seem to get that he has his own librarians out there. Please stop bothering us especially me who already has shit to do and who is basically pissed because I'm doing their job which they get paid for.
I'm so over the ref librarian thing. Soo over it. I didn't mind when I could sit in my office and do research but this f*ing desk I can't take. I don't understand the purpose of one person answering emails and the phone while the others read blogs or cnn. I never got it which is why I applied for the other position. But now i still have to do this one to "keep up to date" on legal research. Uh, what part of it did I need to keep up on that I don't already do. WTF did I go to grad school for if I have to sit here and pull dockets and cases. I think I could teach my dog to do that. I mean seriously.
I just want to be able to leave early on a friday and maybe for once go to happy hour or be able to go running before going to dinner. I went to school for a more flexible lifestyle not to be slave to the library.
I'm angry every freaking friday about this. It never gets better. I can never leave early. I hate it.

Dear douchebag males entering the city of Philadelphia today...

2010-08-17T17:22:00.000-07:00

Why would you ask the girl running (a) to stop to give you directions (aren't there like 100 police officers roaming around in the neighborhood) or (b) for quarters so you can park your car on south st. (if you were coming to park here you should be smart enough to bring $ to pay for it) AND besides all that it's just plain rude to interupt someone working out.

Hurt...

2010-06-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

My friends here hate me. They even joined some group on Facebook called i hate girls who are only your friend when they dont have a boyfriend. Which is not even true. I'm not the one who moved to Pittsburgh to be with her boyfriend(oh i mean moved because i wanted to be close to my family)... They wanted me to go to Pittsburgh for labor day and i told them no the other day. I go to VT to see my college friends who do not have a problem that I have a life outside of them. But all they kept doing was acting like yes i was coming and i said no. Then I went to brunch yesterday because I felt like I had to. And they were so mean. It was all about bf and how all i do is hang around iwth him and how he's a horrible boyfriend, etc. He's not a horrible boyfriend at all. He's sweet, caring and the only person who doesn't get upset that I get upset. He's the level headed one and what I need in my life. All my friends do is try to get me upset.
i just went home after it that's how horrible it was. then i get an email about how we are supposed to go to nyc for the one girls birthday in november. i don't get how they think it's okay to bully me into wanting to hang out. if they hate me that much why can't they just leave me alone. I'm not speaking to either one of them for awhile. I have a birthday thing I am going to on Wednesday for another friend but i'm just not talking to the others. I feel like it's all so childish. It's overwhelming to me for all of this. Aren't friends supposed to support you?

psycho...

2010-06-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

why are my friends sometimes so f*ing psycho? I love them dearly but sending me a message that they are so glad I'm coming along on a trip when I said I wasn't and then telling me that K is going to be really upset doesn't help. K will get over it. If she doesn't then oh well. I'm not getting bullied into shit when I have work to do.

Worries

2010-06-24T12:53:00.001-07:00

So I'm kind of the type of person who pretty much worries about everything. I know most of the stuff is a little out there but I still worry. Take now for instance bf is great and he isn't the type of guy who would do anything to hurt you, however he goes with his one friend to a baseball game for the afternoon and here I am obsessing that what if they are meeting someone there what if his friend is talking to women. My brain does not even take into account that on the hottest day of the year, he walked the dog 9 blocks to see me because we have not seen each other since Monday morning. But because I have not heard from him I worry that something happened. But then again he's with his friend.
The friend who went to the game with him is not my favorite. I doubt he likes me much either but whatever. If it would have been M, his loveable, very tall best friend I would not have been bothered. Those two are in the own world when they are together. But there is something with T I just don't like. I cannot totally put my finger on it. He's married with two kids. However he just seems to be not stressed about the kids at all. He leaves the wife at home with the kids and goes out for drinks with the guys after 10 pm granted yes my boyfriend was out but it was his birthday and I was with him. I think the biggest bother to me was that they went away for the NCAA basketball tournament which they do every year. However, bf said he was tired and from drinking after the game he and one of the other guys decided just to go back to the hotel room and go to sleep. Well, married T apparently decided to go out and proceeded to pick up two girls and guy and bring them back to their room. Um? Well apparently someone from the group stole money that one of the other sleeping guys left on the desk in the room when he went to sleep becuase afterall, who thought anyone was going to be in the room that 4 guys were sharing all of whom are married or have serious girlfriends?
So that's where he is. And of course he's not answering texts because why would he do that. It's not like when I'm out with my friends I don't answer texts, usually drunkenly but I still do.
So now I can sit here and worry more. Maybe I should have gone to WW with the girls...

Men!

2010-06-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes bf can be great. Other days he can be so annoying it's not even funny. Take today for instance, I told him about my friends but he doesn't reply to anything. He does this a lot and not just to me but to his sister too. I don't know if he enjoys upsetting us or what. He says he just doesn't get the female drama we have but really my drama is not even that but sometimes I need someone to talk to and why isn't he listening? Looking back i usually laugh. My friends are over it after I explained for the 10th time why I am not going to WW with them.
The part with bf that bothers me is that sometimes I don't know where I stand and sometimes I need a hey are you okay? because hey I worry.

Ugh

2010-06-21T16:40:00.001-07:00

I am not a big fan of the NJ shore. I think my parents took us there like 3 times as kids. We usually would go to Delaware which wasn't much different but we were never big on brown water. Then living in Florida for six years with blue, clear ocean makes me just want to stay away. Sure if my bf asks me to go hang out with him and his friends I would totally go. It would be a stress free weekend of making food on the grill and booze. A weekend at the "shore" with my friends is a drama filled drunken weekend of staying in a hotel room with one bathroom, 4 girls, and 2 beds. This to me is not fun. I love my friends but I seriously am so not in the mood for the whole weekend away. Plus I got rid of my car last year so me going anywhere equals me taking a car share car which will be like almost 200 bucks for saturday to sunday, then paying for the room there. My friend got all mad today because she thought i could take NJ tranisit, which she found a greyhound bus for me to take. This is okay but Philly greyhound termininal is SCARY. then the other option was NJ tranist train to Atlantic City then a bus to the shore point. Um, AC bus? Scary also. I see homeless people all day in Philly, they never yell at me. I go to AC one day, three yell at me because I will not give them money. AC is not a fun place.
Part of the issue is I do not get to see boyfriend but on the weekend. And truly I love our weekends.
And I don't want to go to wildwood plus I don't have the money to spend on a drunken friend weekend. I love them but seriously our nights out are like a fortune.
I do not know what to do. I hate them mad at me but I also hate the idea of going. Plus I feel like they all compete for my time. I say I'm staying with boyfriend, we took the dogs to a baseball game on Saturday. They get mad because they got me special chips (hey guys,i can eat real chips--i know i have celiac but i'm so tired of rice made into every other food) so I should go have wine with them.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

What a waste of time in the library...

2010-06-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

There are reasons I did not become a school librarian or a public librarian...One of which is that I don't like putting on ridiculous games in the library nor do I like watching children who are not my friends' kids or people I actually like. Also, playing the happy teacher is really not my thing. Grumpy librarian--yes!
So when something like this comes out today and I'm told I have to sit at a station showing people new things on a database and giving them treats? Yeah not so happy.

Celebrate the start of summer -
stop by the Library for a variety of summer treats.

Library Summer Stroll
June 21, 2010
2:00 to 4:00 p.m.

Stroll through the library to enjoy some summer treats
and learn more about library services

Marketing the library is great. Making all the librarians participate, not so much. Especially not those who really have work to do. It just makes us look less professional than what we are. Maybe a summer happy hour would be nice, CLEs are great but who is going to come to this thing? Secretaries? I doubt attorneys have the time to sit through all this crap for free tickets to see the Phillies.
The worst part, it's of course planned by non-librarian librarian. And she isn't doing any of the demonstrations, she is just walking around supervising.
I loved seeing the sarcasm though of the woman I work with who really could probably care less about the crap too. Or of business librarian who thinks this is stupid also and probably wants to hide in his office upstairs. I just don't think a law library in a large law firm is the place for it. She was even wanting to put gold stars on their stuff and smiley face stamps to which one of the other librarians was like um that's a little preschool...
I can't deal. Why do they let the person who can't stay library do all these activities? Argh. I just want to go hide in my office (oh yeah that's right I don't have one anymore...) and do my work....

Sweet :)

2010-06-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

So I love my boyfriend. I have to say that. True, sometimes he does get on my nerves and I would love to strangle him but all in all he's pretty great. He does love to annoy the hell out of me though. But yesterday he did the sweetest, nicest thing. I have been working pretty much all week long, all day and into the evening. I take a break to take the bus home and then play with the dog for a little while. But I have not had time to hang out with friends or bf all week long. We have only been texting also so it's no like we even talked on the phone. Anyway, last night I had the dog out to play ball at the park, and I see bf walking with his dog. It totally made my day. He said he had a baked potato in the oven and was waiting for it to cook so he thought he and the dog would walk over to say hi because he has not seen me all week. It was just sweet. :)
He also called me today at work to ask if he was allowed to go to happy hour with the guys from work today. I told him I didn't care I would see him later. He really doesn't have to ask permission. But it's cute :)

I've been a little nuts since our India trip. I am sort of ready to at least get engaged. He keeps talking about houses to buy in the city but I told him. I already lived with someone and do not want to do it again unless I am marrying the person. It's too difficult to go through with just living together and then they never want to get married it seems. Anyway, I just sort of wish he would pop the question. I never wanted to be one of those girls who is all into the ring, etc. And i'm still not. I don't care about the size or whatever (as long as it isn't yellow gold or heart shaped). But I just sort of am ready to be settled and I think I finally found the one. I actually asked him last week and he laughed at me. Granted I had like six glasses of wine so he may have thought I was drunk but whatever.

So that's why...

2010-06-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

Overheard this morning from the reference desk: "I was never a good English major, I always had grammar issues and refused to pronounce things correctly. And I never liked any of the literature that they had us read..."
Gee, I wonder why you can't say Library? How is it she even got to work in a library? Most of us here are grammar freaks who when actually doing our are insane with looking up things and proper use of pronouns etc. Most librarians are.

Philly accents...

2010-06-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but I have always had a horrible time dealing with the Philly accents and the South Jersey accents. But they make my skin crawl. I can't deal. And lately all the secretaries at work show up saying things like "wooder" (water) "liberry" (library) "cawfee" (coffee) drive me absolutely insane. There is just something about it that drives me nuts.

Maybe I spent too much time in school. Who knows. I know my grammar is not perfect but the sounds are awful.

Feeling bad about stuff...

2010-06-15T08:17:00.000-07:00

One of my good friends, K, has a roller derby convention in Wildwood, NJ next weekend. I feel bad but I probably can not go. When we first talked about going, months ago, we talked about four of us going and it being fun and blah blah blah over drinks. Then K went and booked the room which was good but we are not always the reliable bunch. One friend is coming from Pittsburgh, B always has a crazy work schedule with her ghetto kids, and I am not always sure I won't have work to do on the weekend or the bf won't have scheduled something or I will have someone to watch the dog as she can't go to the kennel because she's not always other dog friendly. I want to go, it would be fun but honestly after a trip to India, I don't have the money for it and the other million things I need plus trying to save to buy a house. I tried to tell her the other week that I can't go on a Thursday as I have work and can not take off Thurs & Friday after being on vacation. Plus then driving down on Saturday I have to rent a car (as I am carless now) which is crazy expensive with zipcar. I'm going to end up having to pay part of it anyway I'm sure. I had to work one weekend last year when they went to nyc and had to pay my part of the room.
I hope K is not too mad. My new job is a whole lot of work. Unless bf and I have something planned during the week I don't see him until Friday. After work, I go home which lately I don't get home until 7 (thanks Septa for cancelling that bus to my neighborhood that would get me home 30 minutes earlier--btw it should never ever take an hour to get home from work in a city where you live 2 miles from work), play with Alice, go workout, eat and then work again til 11 or 12 and go to bed.
I hate disappointing people but sometimes stuff just doesn't work out. Seriously if I had tons more money and wasn't afraid of my boss yelling I would be all for going. But as is I don't know.

Friends in India...

2010-06-11T09:16:00.000-07:00

So the visit to the boyfriend's friends was interesting to say the least. First of all, they live with her husband and his family-mom, dad, and older sister. Second of all, they have servants and appear to do not much at all themselves. It was odd to say the least. We arrived a bit after lunch after a 5 hour trek to Jaipur by car, which I should also mention, the highway was closed at one point and so we went driving through various villages on the way there passing multitudes of cows and people riding actual camels. Oh and I also have to mention the friends do not drink at all which hello, sometimes I think we may border on functional alchoholic...

Anyway, they had lunch waiting for us when we arrived which was awesome. But the servants brought out the food and did everything. The weird part was that they only eat after we ate and then could not eat at a table but had to eat at the floor of the kitchen. Little did I know the caste system is alive and well in India. They had servants to do everything. They brought their work bags down for them in the morning. The baby even had her own servant, which also was a huge pain as she and the baby went with us EVERYWHERE we went. And also baby servant clearly thought I was odd. I think maybe because bf and I are not married and also my clothing. It may also have been that my pale self along with the bright blonde hair may have been a bit out of the ordinary. I tried really hard to be conservative, however in 117 degree weather there is only so much i can take. I wore dresses but with scarves around my neck to cover things or shirts with khakis but apparenlty this was not okay. I could have bought a sari I suppose but i'm not big on buying clothes I won't wear more than once. Plus I'm not big on my stomach sticking out unless I'm at the beach.

Anyway baby servant went everywhere with us and didn't speak english at all. I"m not sure why if you have a nanny for the kid, why you can't leave her at home with the nanny if you are taking your American friends out somewhere to get a drink and for dinner? I felt bad for the friend because she never got to eat or relax and talk. Also we got to go to Maharaj's old club to drink. Apparently it was his private club when they ruled the land however now it's been converted into a private club that only certain people (I'm assuming friends of the old Maharaj) are allowed to join. Her husband was a member. So we went there for drinks for bf and me and then out to dinner.

Our next day was a little crazy. First, we get up and are told we will be going to see a pottery studio of the grandma of the house and then to friend's mom's place and later they booked us tickets to go see the sound and light show at the Amber Fort. So we go, in the heat out complete with baby and baby servant. But we then get to friend's mom's place and she's sick. So we are instructed that we should take a nap, which her servants have prepared us a room, so she can take baby, servant, and mom to the doctor. Then we are waken up to tell us we need to go because it's time for the driver to take us to the fort. Um, wasn't I going to get time to change? Guess not! But then again we didn't do much. And then I cried because I was hot and tired and all day was spent doing nothing really fun. Which is yes childish however it was a long long day. And I was really wanting to just get out of there and go take pictures of monkeys or go shopping, neither of which happened.

We left the next morning early. No one in the house got up to say good bye either. I think different culture, it's just a different idea. However, we also had NO WATER in our bathroom to take a shower. Ick. And boyfriend would not wake anyone up. So we waited and just got dressed and headed to the airport to be on our way to Goa...
I just couldn't believe no one said goodbye?

India

2010-06-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

So I'm back from India for a month now but have been so busy I forget to post. Work is crazy with my new job. Actually its like my old job with just more and not much more money. I'm still stuck at reference on Friday afternoons you know to keep me "fresh" with the legal research. I think it's just punishment and wasn't I told the new librarian always gets Fridays? Yeah I'm no longer that one. But whatever. I know non-librarian coworker hates me so whatever. She hates me so much in fact she's been going to our director about me so now I get yelled at constantly. Although I'm working at work til 6 and here most days at 8-8:30 and then taking work home and working til 11. So really what I'm not doing I don't know. I guess though the jealousy factor comes into play with her though. But she seriously needs to grow up.

Anyway, India was great. Well I did have a mishap after getting off the plane in Delhi. I walked out of the airport with my boyfriend and our driver who was going to drive us to Agra that night. And as soon as I stepped off the curb, my ankle twisted and i fell. My whole knee tore open worse than I have ever seen it (and I fall a lot). We tried band aids but nothing helped. Finally in the morning we asked the front desk of the hotel if they had anything else, well one look at the knee and they called a doctor, who came to our hotel to look at it and then called a surgeon because they had to cut off the huge flap of skin hanging from my knee and stitch me back up. Way to spend my first full day in India. Anyway, it's fine, I have a nice scar now. And we got up the next morning early to see the Taj Mahal. It was beautiful. Then we were on our way with our driver on an andventure for 5 hours in the car to Jaipur to see boyfriend's friends.
More on that later....

just can't seem to do anything right today...

2010-04-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

I got yelled at because I didn't shelve books right today. We get an email saying "who shelves the CFR (code of federal regulations)!?" Apparently there were some older labor code books on the bottom shelf. I was like um I shelve them? Doesn't one of the assitants do that? I guess I did a few but some of the things were just weird. They were not really wrong we just didn't get a new set of an extra set. It seems like every few months the director does this. I don't know if she gets it but the reference librarian is usually busy with um reference ..The bf did an imitation of my boss saying what does she do pull things off the shelf and act like this is wrong and throw it? This made me laugh. He is always saying how weird it is where I work. I think with this much aggrevation I may as well be in the public library...
Anyway, because I have the bf's dog at home (he's away for work) who started randomly wetting the bed and made me a little late this morning which I also got in trouble for...I then I burst into tears at the reference desk because that's the adult thing to do. I think I may have major pms too because everything seems like a huge deal.
But then a research request came in and I said i would work on it. I was then told she was sending it to another office so I let it go only to be yelled at 10minutes later of was I doing the request or not? Um you said I shouldn't? Dude lady take your menopausal meds please. I can't deal with this. Seriously I had one boss like this already and I quit plus when my mom went through this I moved 1000 miles away. I don't deal with the yelling when I'm not doing anything to be yelled at.

Hours? What?

2010-04-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

I feel soemtimes I should take up smoking as it may take the edge off from work. That and it has less calories than wine. A friend of mine said this to me about smoking something else, I was just talking about cloves though. Seriously I'm not so sure how much of this place I can handle anymore. So my promotion didn't come with the raise that I was promised. Instead I got the 4% I should get every year so that was a big bust. Plus I apparently am to be prepared to work more hours. Hmmm, barely a raise and more hours? Oh and they had the audacity in all of this to tell me that I need to have set hours. Well that's fine but if i have set hours I'm not working late then or at home right? I thought my "set hours" were working from 8:30 or 9 am until 5:30 or 6 and then whatever if i had to skip lunch or work at home or later here then fine. No, just a set time to come in because it's "not fair" for everyone if i don't have a set time, yet one person leaves at 2:30 twice a week for therapy and everyone else comes and goes as they please for things like dance class or whatever. But apparently I am different. I found out today that the one woman has been complaining that it's not "fair" that I don't show up exactly before 8:30 every day or leave at exact time. I was like um we aren't hourly workers are we? Hello? But apparenlty she's been complaining to the boss. I'ts not enough that I work at home a lot or on weekends or whatever (and she never does) but now she's being a bitch about this. This from a person who has been off for a few months on disability leave. I felt bad for her because she really hurt her ankle but the truth of the matter (and I didn't want to be mean) was that the kind of exercise she was doing (kickboxing) is not something you do when you are out of shape or have not exercised for 20 years. You start slow with walking and you stretch so things don't tear or pull.
I just don't get the hours thing. As a person who went to grad school plus worked their ass off taking jobs with psycho bosses to move up in the career, I don't like being that regulated or watched. I was always of the idea that if you got your 40 hours in wherever that may be, then it was all good. This whole clock punch mentality makes me cringe. I feel like I work at the supermarket or a factory. My boyfriend joked today that he would leave work so we could pick up the dogs "when the whistle blows" like in the olden days. I had to laugh at that one. i still remember the old whistle blowing in the town I grew up in when my grandfather was still working when I was a kid.

posting things for sale online...

2010-04-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else have the problem when the post things on places like craigslist where people seem to think you have to travel to sell them stuff? To me it's insulting. I mean I'm selling you something cheap, shouldn't you get off your lazy butt and meet me somewhere to look at it? No I'm not travelling to the opposite end of the city to sell you my old mp3 player...It's getting old. Plus I refuse to give my phone number, sorry I have smartphone and you can email me just fine. I would rather not give out to my number to any more people than I have to.

India!

2010-04-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited that the vacation is all booked. The bf and I are going to India. Actually he leaves next week for a tour around S. Asia for work (trainings and meetings). And then on to India to meet me so we can see some of his friends from grad school (he spent 4 months there with his mba program) and go to places around the country. I'm so excited. Nevermind that I spent more on my ticket than my usual vacations but I really wanted to go. 22 more days...

However until then, I am stuck in my usual disgustingly annoying job. Someone was hired for my old position but now I'm thinking my new position here will be even more annoying than the last. This is the result of an anal, micormanaging boss who has nothing better to do with her time than comment on how I need to pick an hour and stick with it. My theory is and always has been with anywhere I have worked that as a salaried employee, if I am here somewhere between 8am and 9am and then leave somewhere from 5pm to 6pm, things are fine. I sometimes do not take lunch (oh and to her this does not count for anything) nor does the fact that sometimes I work from home til 11 pm when stuff has to be done. That means nothing if you are not here chained to your desk. I get it to some point but when no where else has this oddball policy I don't get it. Nor do I get why I have different rules than others do. If you tell one person they should work til 6pm then don't let another one leave at 2:30 for therapy (which could be done after work-hell i did it at the same place either at 7 am or 6 pm) or another leave at 4 whenever they feel like it. But I've only been here 2 years whereas they are all life-ers (they are a few other things but I will not get into that).
They also like to comment on how nothing will get done before I go on vacation. Um, I'm working, i just hate you all. You gave the non degreed librarian an office-why did i spend so much money on grad school?
That and the nasty paralegals we have. I hate being asked stupid questions. I don't know why your password doesn't work. Yes I understand you have been here for 30 years but really really that service was not around 30 years ago so it is not the same password, and I think it would have made you change it by now. You are not special, and I don't give a crap how long you have been here. You are stupid and get a freaking life and retire already!
And please tell me why we would keep someone who says "I don't really like using that computer stuff..." when told that this is the way you do something. Um you don't like using the computer stuff? What decade is this?
Idiots. All Idiots. Couple that with all the freaking tourists in the city at this time of year. I'm running, I have an ipod on, I can't hear you, don't ask me to stop and give you directions or take your picture and then when i don't stop continue to curse me out. Get a map. Ask one of the thousand police officers who are roaming around the neighborhood to protect us from the flash mobs.

Cinderella, cinderella wash the dishes cinderella...

2010-04-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

This pops into my head whenever something happens at work with my coworkers. Sometimes I feel like I work for the evil stepmother and with the ugly stepsisters....seriously i think sometimes they may be jealous i have friends and a boyfriend. my one friend i worked with at another firm was hired for my old job and i warned her (because she's married and cute and younger than them) that she's in for the same type of treatment...It is not my fault they are over 40, have no friends or no men. Maybe being nice to people would help once in awhile...Or maybe not being ugly would help (yeah that's mean)....

Things I completely despise about being a law firm librarian...

2010-03-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

Well, as you all I know, yes I am a librarian (well those of you who may read this). But, I work for a law firm which I hate. I mean yes the money is better than being a public librarian or working at a college but you deal with a hell of a lot of bs on an everyday basis. Like for one, attorneys thinking you are somehow a paralegal or a legal secretary. No, I don't call the court to find out if new things are filed on your cases. That's for your secretary or your paralegal to do. I can help you set up a paid alert on one of the libraries databases but if it's some crazy dinky county in the middle of PA? No, then you need to ask your secretary to call them. I'm not spending an hour on the phone being transfered back and forth to find a docket for you unless you would like to have your department or client pay my hourly fee because yes we librarians bill by the hour, sometimes more than paralegals. So asking one of us to do it, yeah not going to happen. You want a docket, sure let me email one of our services to do it and you can pay over $100 for the docket plus my hourly fee for having to do your job. And chances are if the complaint you want to know if has been filed is stamped by the clerk of courts from such dinky county in February then yeah usually it already was filed.

Common sense tends to allude these people I have discovered. Like, please remove such and such alerts because I don't want to see emails daily for them. Well you wanted the alert set up so obvously it was not that important to begin with.

My firm has a reference desk, which is in a law firm, an outdated and odd thing to have. Usually it's whoever is online and can pick up a request at most firms. Here it's your office plus your crazy satelitte offices (who don't care if you are in the middle of a blizzard--they are in sunny Florida and damnit they need someone to do their work for them NOW!). Plus answering all stupid kinds of questions daily. Like do we have a book that discusses such and such? Um, yeah I don't actually read the thousands of books we have here. That's why we have a catalog. Use it! Didn't we learn in kindergarten how to use the library catalog? Didn't you use one in law school? College? I mean my whole educational life I used the library catalog. it's online, all you do is type in what you need and it tells you. Standing over my shoulder asking me to look it up is a waste of time.

what not to do at lunch...

2010-03-05T14:03:00.001-08:00

Go to a Wine Week lunch where you think it is $10 per glass of wine when it really is $10 for 10 glasses of wine, and drink most of those ten glasses. Then go back to work...Yeah not prductive at all...

one of those weeks

2010-03-04T08:09:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those weeks or even days when it feels like you are in one long anxiety attack? Well, that's how this week is. Maybe it's full moon or something (my dog is a little nutty this week so it could be) or maybe I'm just having a freak out about something I can't quite pinpoint.
Part of the thing is that it's been awhile with the bf and things are good but this week he's being a little odd. OR he's not and it's just me. I already have anxiety problems but lately it's been much worse. Who knows though. I am a little worried though. Maybe he's just too busy with work.

how do you have the "marriage" talk?

2010-03-02T21:27:00.001-08:00

It's getting serious and it's been almost 8 months and I feel like it's time but HOW DO I TALK about it? UGH!

Ch-ch-changes!

2010-01-29T14:06:00.001-08:00

So this year has been a lot of changes for me. For one I sold my car. The beloved Saturn is gone. I sold it to a person in a band so at least someone is getting use of it. Plus, I'm lessening my carbon footprint (and parking tickets from the blind and very rude parking authority who ticket people who have resident permits...).

But the posts I never finished about the crazy ex? Someone said to please finish it up already. I will. The thing is I stopped posting much after that because things were just not funny. But things are better now. I have a wonderful boyfriend now. He does do some dumb guy things from time to time but he does put up with my anxiety and wackiness.

I still have the same general sucky job. And I know all the you should be glad to have a job crap with the economy but please, value your employees people! We will jump ship as soon as something better comes along.

So what was the purpose again?

2010-01-29T13:14:00.000-08:00

Um, why was it we got a temp librarian again? I'm still stuck at the reference desk all the time, working later than usual, and she is no where to be found the majority of the time...

Non Librarian-Librarian is out right now on sick leave. Somehow she blew her achilles tendon in kickboxing, which to those of you who have never exercised before, please note, if you have not exercised in oh say 20 years, maybe just maybe you should start out with something small or maybe, here's a suggestion-STRETCH! Anyway, she's out for at least a month or maybe more. So somehow we got a temp. It's a good thing in theory but really it doesn't help those of us who do not want to work late. She works part time at a school so those of us who liked leaving at 5 pm and have a life, well we now have to stay late because she has to leave early. This is fine but when her time doing whatever f's with my vacation, yeah I'm pretty pissed off. I'm just over work.

Really

2010-01-28T13:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder is stupidity on the rise? Or somehow does everyone think someone else should do things for them? Maybe it's being a law librarian in a firm and not a law school? But really I think that many of the new associates have no idea what they are doing. Or they expect us to hold their hands through research. Now, I went to law school and yes maybe it was ten years ago but still. No one held my hand. We learned ourselves or we failed. That's what you did. But none of them seem to get it. Either that or can we recommend a book on such and such...I don't know about anyone else but in my free time, I don't read law books. Unless one practices and uses a book a lot, you are not going to know much about it. My answer for them? Did you look in the catalog? To which I get a no. So apparenlty something we learned in KINDERGARDEN is easier to ask a librarian to do for us while we stand there and stare at them. The librarian who most likely is doing some sort of billable research for a client also...

x's

2009-02-22T22:03:00.000-08:00

i think the whole dating thing is that i just have not found what i am looking for. having an odd dream about j though does not help. i had a dream last night he gave me this list of all the problems we had (which were actually true) and how we could fix them. it was weird. he still had his gf and i was somehow cleaning my great grandmother's house (who has been dead for almost 11 years) it was just odd. it could be he has called a few times the past few weeks because i don't really think of him much. he really likes his gf. although she has some sort of eye disease and she may go blind and has some sort of stomach issue that she can not eat. i can't believe it is over 2 years since i have seen him. but he apologized for all the things that happened and went into an explanation of how he was confused and how he somehow needed to be knocked on his ass to realize what he was doing wrong and how he ruined all he had, not just wth me but with work and his business and everything. it was sort of nice to hear i was right about everything (the business i thought would flop and everything else he was doing that was just a mess) but also disturbing because although i knew, 2 years later it is not easy to hear and just makes me more confused becaues it happens all the time, like with lm a few years later and the whole had i waited what would have happened. like now j said had i moved to la like work was going to move me, we probably would have ended up back together after he got his head together. and it just keeps happening, gs now, what like over a year later wants me back and watch like a year from now mjg will be back.

So

2009-01-21T17:35:00.000-08:00

I should write more often. But really I have not felt like it. Things are just odd lately. I started writing this blog at a way to get out some of my frustrations with the whole online dating thing. But I just got tired of everything. Then the ass that I dated came back. He said sorry and he didn't mean everything he said. Every part of me knew really it was wrong but I wanted to believe the best. Well, really it was not. He really did mean everything he said. I got a call last night telling me that we should not talk anymore at all, ever. Because I'm weird. Apparently caring for someone makes me weird and calling them after they show up at your door asking to come back, also makes me weird. It's sad. But really I think I needed that to smack me back to reality and see what an ass he really was. I'm weird? I'm not the one who shows up in the middle of winter with no socks on and no coat. That's weird. The fact that on Christmas, he can't even call his family or take their calls when it is also his birthday and he's their only child, that's weird. But whatever, it's over now and it's time for a new era to my dating.

I met someone nice last week. He's what everyone wants but I do feel he's a bit of a geek. He's cute though. I do hope he calls and my hope is that he loosens up a bit. But I'm not stressing it. We will see....

Oh my...

2008-11-14T13:58:00.001-08:00

So I discovered something about my ex from Florida today...The girl, he is dating? Yeah she was born in 1986....Holy shit she's 10 years younger than me? She's that young? Oh my...Apparently he met her on vacation. She lives in Minnesota and is moving in with him when she graduates in December...How cute. How young..He will be 40 in February. Now I wondered about my relationship for awhile. But really I think the ass did trade me in for something younger when I turned 30. In all honestly it is scary. And really how dumb is she? Who moves in with a guy who lives many miles away when they have never lived in the same state? Wouldn't you be scared he could be an axe murderer? I mean how much do you know about him? And she my friends is in for a huge suprise when she moves in with him..He isn't Mr. I love you so much, he's the opposite. He's the guy who lives with you because it's convienent and it saves him money....

So, about the phone call...

2008-11-13T20:30:00.001-08:00

I don't know even what to say about the phone call anymore. Even now I don't know what to say. At one time I was so upset. But now, it's just confusion. I was okay with the whole thing for a few weeks, and I stopped hating him. But I missed him. Because in reality, our relationship was fine but the phone call and the nasty things that were said with it on both sides, not just his, maybe was not all his fault. For as sensitive as I am, I sometimes forget how sensitive another person may be. Maybe he is. Maybe he's lying but I don't know. The thing is he showed up on Sunday at my place because he missed me. I just didn't know what to do and tried to stay on the other side of the room from him. But seeing him, I just missed him so much. Then we talked on Monday and he said he would call this week. It's Thursday night, he still hasn't called. I am wondering am I just dumb that I fell into the trap again or is he just that screwed up and busy? See when I'm like that, I depend on talking to others around me. I just don't know.

I'm such an ass...

2008-10-28T09:54:00.001-07:00

I will finish the post soon, I swear. I tend to get bogged down with little things that suck up my time. For instance, I ordered a Halloween costume on Ebay. However, it never came. After fighting back and forth with the seller, who swore he was sending it for Saturday delivery via DHL, I ended up driving home to my parents house, an hour away just to get the damn costume. By the way, he never sent it and has now removed his profile from ebay. So I reported him. Anyway, a trip home for a costume ends up being a trip home for the entire weekend. This is fine but it doesn't leave for one to get much done around home.

Anyway, I have the costume and am very happy about it. My brother is having a party on Saturday which I am excited about. But I wanted to go out on Friday too. For some reason I just want to drink and dance and just get out of the whole funk I have been in for awhile. I joined these "meetup" groups in the city in hopes to meet new people (so far it has not worked) but they were having a Halloween gathering at one of the bars that does an awesome party for the holiday. So, I asked my best friend if maybe she wanted to go. To which she didn't really reply just told me I could come with her to her yoga studio's party. Which is fine, but I can't see that being the dancing around fun, boys, drinks! party I wanted. I wanted to get out and flirt and have fun. Not that her party would not have been fun but I have met her friends. The majority of them are married and really hanging out with them, really does not get me out. I also feel odd and all corporate-y, like I'm some sort of evil person along when all of them teach yoga or other earthy things. I just don't fit. And I know she wants me to go to yoga but honestly I don't know how she affords it. With a gym membership to pay, how do I then spend $100 a month for yoga? Or even have the time? I would love to but my job, running, and the dog don't allow for it. Having to be at a class by 6:30 just doesn't always work for me. I said maybe but I really don't want to go. I am instead going to the meetup group's party in the city. I feel like a jerk but I need to get out and just dance. And meet new people and people like me who enjoy happy hour and just being out. She isn't around much and could be moving west this year so I will be me, alone again.

But I do feel like a jerk passing up my best friend.

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 4

2008-10-21T18:22:00.001-07:00

So, I'm going to try to finish this tonight but who knows if I will. The dog seems to need attention and will cry if I stay on here too long. She's very spoiled. And crying now. But she's more loyal than most men I have dated and probably smarter too. The guy loved her. In fact sometimes I thought he liked her more than me. They would play for like over an hour while I sat here watching Grey's or something the two of them would be running around playing. This was one of the reasons I liked him. He loved the dog, and would even not make a fit about her being in the bed. Other guys are grosssed out, like she's dirty or something. She gets a bath once a week, and for crying out loud, she's a city dog. How dirty can she get? She only goes to play in the perfectly manicured grass at the end of the street with other city dogs. Really, how dirty can they be?

Anyway, back to the story. He was sort of great for awhile, as long as you overlooked the bad parts. He smoked, only ate fast food, would not go to my family's picnic, wore pretty much the same clothes all the time, etc. You get the picture, however, hello dumb girl in love. And, he would go to my friend's parties with me (my ex of 6 years would never go to anything with me), and he pretty much was content spending every weekend night alone with me. However, a few weeks before the break up I had a minor freak out in Atlantic City. We went to see my favorite comedian. I was so excited, go down there for the night, dress up, have a nice dinner, just fun with the boyfriend. Well, he was stressed about this big case he had because apparently the judge yelled at him. So I understood the stress. However, eating in the food court at the Borgata? Yeah, no. First of all I'm horribly lactose intolerant. So, pizza in the food court? Not happening, unless he would have liked to make a stop in the emergency room on the way home. And also, I don't do fast food, unless I have some sort of odd craving for it and even then I won't do it unless it's the only thing around. But he kept saying that it was so long of a wait and he was starved that we could just eat after the show. So, I compromised, saying fine, as long as I got my wine, it would be fine. But then, he needed to smoke, and instead of smoking in a bar in the casino, which was air conditioned, we had to go outside, into the foggy, hot, humid, New Jersey night so my hair couldlook a mess. I can deal with cigarette smoke as long as I am drinking, if I am not, I want no part of it. Anyway we saw the show which was good. However at one part he turned to me and asked what "tea bagging" was as that was part of the show. I had to bite my tongue not to burst out laughing. Uh, who doesn't know what that is? But then again....

Okay I have to finish this another day. I'm just too tired. Work is killing me.

Pumpkin picking??? Are you f'n kidding me???

2008-10-19T17:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, so a bit of drama today. I will get back to my story soon but this whole thing with this guy I went out with recently is just making me want to scream. I have been trying not to write when I am angry, which I one reason why I have not posted much. But really, I"m so sick of it.

The guy said, I want to make you dinner. Then never called. So a pissed off me, sends him a text saying, oh i figured you would call so lets just end it now because I don't put up with this kind of shit. To which an hour later I get a text saying, sorry he went pumpkin picking with a friend and just got back now. What guy goes pumpkin picking with his guy friends????? Is he gay? Because no men I know go pumpkin picking with guy friends.

Fucking men!

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 3

2008-10-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

Anyway so I left it go, the talking about the ex but I did worry about the whole thing. Well then after a few months of what seemed like perfection, i mean if he was over everynight then maybe he really did like me. Then, he got stressed about this big case, which was normal but normal was that he would call and come over and we would talk. Well, he didn't return my calls, for days. And I got angry, maybe too angry. But he wouldn't call me back. He wouldn't return texts. So I got a little more than upset than I should have. However, since my break up with my ex over two years ago, I have very little tolerance for bullshit from men. Because they all seem to have it.

So, finally Friday, he calls and is like "I'm so depressed with this judge and this case..blah, blah, blah...I will call you back later but I think I need to stay home..." My bullshit level had hit an all time high at this point to I told him that if he didn't call back in an hour, the dog and I were coming over to get him out of this funk...Did he call back in an hour? No, of course not. So my little dog and I hopped in the car and drove over there. But did he come out to let us in? No, in fact he didn't answer the door bell or didn't answer my calls.

I sort of knew at this point, I went too far. I was acting crazy but my good guy friend, G said, I was not, I was acting like a concerned girlfriend and it was okay. But then he never called back all weekend and I just went to my parents house to hide.

But Monday I got myself up for work, sure it was all over. Even if it was not for him, it was for me and if he ever decided to talk to me again I was telling him to go. So I get an email from him saying how it killed it for him that I had such a crisis...And then a call...

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 2

2008-10-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

So, he didn't call back. I just sort of wrote him off. Then like three weeks later, I was bored on a Saturday afternoon, and for some reason sent a text to a bunch of people saying "hope you are having a fun weekend!" Twenty minutes later he wrote back. So we made plans to see a movie. Turns out, I said something on our last date that made him think it was a good idea not to return calls or calls. I told him I hated clingy men. Men who needed to be around all the time and had no life of their own. So he decided calling would be a bad thing. Looking back now, I don't think that was true at all, because not calling once or twice, is maybe believable but not calling for three weeks? Yeah not so much. But whatever, I liked him so I thought hey why not.

Things went well for a few weeks. He was over every night after work plus Saturday night and sometimes Sundays. He actually agreed to drive an hour to go to a friend's party with me and things were great. We went to Atlantic City for a weekend to see a comedian I loved who totally rips men most of the time. We were together every day. And we talked on the phone for an hour before seeing each other. He loved my dog and everything was just perfect.

Then he started talking about his ex wife. At first I thought she must have been evil with all the things he was saying about her. She didn't want to work out. He tried to take her shopping and all she did was look at the sale rack. She didn't believe in any sort of higher power. And she was always criticizing him. So I figured, man she must be horrible.

It was fine hearing about her but then him constantly talking about it got a little old. I mean, yes I told him about my ex but as far as constantly bringing him up, I knew it was just a bad thing to do in a relationship. But I let it slide figuring he was still mad at his divorce and I knew the feeling from my breakup.

But then the comments started with other stuff. First of all the not going to the gym thing. I understand if you don't want to work out. I do but some people do not. But he wanted her to go to the gym so she looked like what he wanted in a perfect woman. From what I gathered from this, thin. Although I don't think she was fat in the first place but then what do I know. But this hit home with me, hey does he think I'm fat? What he had told me at the beginning was that all he wanted was a dorky, blonde girl, which I fit the bill.

More later but I need to eat...

Not again...

2008-10-19T12:49:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks since I wrote a post. My plan was to write a lot. However, then work got busy. When I came home, I just did not want to even look at my computer. Most of it was due to the fact that I just could not take another rejection from yet another loser who thought he was god's gift to women. The whole thing was just knocking my confidence down. But then I thought, hell, just get out there and do it. At least you are not sitting home, getting addicted to yet another show on tv or watching politics all night. So I did.

My latest date was Thursday. It went well, or so I thought. We actually ended up talking until after 12 and he missed the last train out of the city so I ended up driving him home. He lives like 15 minutes from the city so it was not bad. He was cute, well hot, in my opinion (and lately most of them are far from hot). He was very well mannered and paid for everything (the last few dates I have been on, I have ended up having to pay for my meal, drinks, etc and usually covering the tip because they were cheap bastards). He was even nice to my dog. So when we left it as, let's get together on Sunday, that he would make me dinner, I was excited.

So now, it's what almost 4pm on Sunday? And who has not even called, sent a text, email, or anything? Yeah, him. So much for the nice guy. We texted yesterday and he said he would definitely give a call. So call? Not so much...Maybe I'm exaggerating, or maybe I have high expections, but really, if you are having dinner on a Sunday, wouldn't you have called by now? Yeah, so maybe he met someone hotter. He was a few years younger and went on this whole thing how he loves women older than him, because they have so many less crazy issues than the younger ones but still.

All I have to say is, here we go again....

If it seems too good to be true; it probably is...or don't believe what you see on tv--Part 1

2008-09-26T22:16:00.001-07:00

I started to write this a few weeks ago but then stopped......My first try at this online dating thing this year seemed to work out well. The date went a bit awry on the first try but after we met things went well. However, I should have realized that if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is...The dating did not start out well though....

I had a horrible sinus infection earlier this year. At this point, while sitting in the emergency room, freezing, with a high fever (for me anyway who has a 94 degree normal temp), with a group of homeless people who were in from the cold to eat, I realized I was going to die alone. After six hours in an emergency room, not being treated, freezing and barely able to speak, while the hospital takes anxiety attack patients before me because a 100 degree temp is not that much of a fever (unless you have a low body temp to begin with), I realized I was going to die alone if I didn't find someone soon. I had never had this thought before. I had a boyfriend, a fiance even for six years. Now here I was alone in the city, sick with no one. Sure, my parents live an hour away however until they got there I could be dead. And what happens when they are gone? It's only me. So I freaked out. When I got home, untreated, and delirous, I decided I needed to take this situation into my own hands. So, I joined a dating site. Within a few days I had an email. I didn't pay for the subscription right away, as I was still kind of concerned at this whole thing. But later that week, I did.

I had an email from a lovely guy, a guy who used legal terminology and seemed funny so it seemed like the perfect match for me. We joked and set up a date on a Thursday (a few weeks after the sick/dying thing). I showed up, late however because of my dog. Somehow we missed each other. This lead to a scathing email from me when I got home tipsy and mad that I got stood up. Turns out there are two doors to the restaurant and we each went to the other door. Oh well... So we set a date for a Friday night. The date went well. We totally hit it off. He was a criminal defense lawyer, me a law librarian. We had so much in common, we talked and drank for hours....So, after hours of sitting there outside at a bar freezing, we decided to go somewhere else. He drove, and we some how ended back at his place....there was a lot of kissing but nothing really else. He had the total bachelor place though. No food. Dishes still not unpacked out of a box since he moved in 9 months earlier and barely any furniture. It was late and so he drove me home because I had to get home to the dog. But he was cool about it and came in to meet the dog. But he ended up staying which was fun because we just talked all night. And it was nice to just have a warm body to snuggle with that was not a 20 pound dog who kicks me in the head at least ten times a night.
Things were going well, he called and talked forever on the phone and then came over to hang out that week a few times and on the weekend. Nothing seemed bad. It was comfortable and just nice. Then a week later, no calls. No return calls. No return texts. So I just sort of said, oh well, and wrote him off....

When did I get this old?

2008-09-23T15:48:00.001-07:00

I guess I'm not that old and my exboyfriend would say I'm being a drama queen again but lately, I feel old. Older than I have felt in a long long time. At age 32 I thought maybe things would sort of be figured out by now. I would have the perfect career, the decent home, have run a marathon, and somehow be stable and okay with life. Well, I'm here to say I am not. I'm okay with the life I have. I'm lucky. I do have a good job (however not without many years of school and many student loans) and I have a decent apartment but something is just amiss. Maybe it's the city, maybe it's me. Most of my friends are married and although I was in a very long relationship, I never thought it would last to marriage and maybe I should have planned that situation out better back then. But whatever, this is the life I'm stuck with now.

In the two years since I left my ex and moved across the country, I've grown a bit. However things around me do not seem to grow. They just sort of stay the same and fester, turning me into a truly angry girl.

In the past year, I started this whole online dating thing. I will write a bit about this in that insanity seems to follow me whenever dating is involved. My ex was far from normal or even okay by most women's standards but these men are just I don't even know what.

All I know is that I feel fat and ugly lately and that's how dating has left me. I am not either I don't think but lately I feel and somehow look like a beast.

Books and B*llsh*t...